Youngster Questions Reality, WAW Moves On...

[westcoastfella]

I think you did a really great job at keeping your composure. She definitely threw a ton at you and I think you handled it like a champ.

Thanks! I know her enough at this point to know that she only acts like this when her emotions have been thrown into the mix. Clearly, it bothers her that I'm keeping her at a distance. (She did start crying several times but let the anger take over instead.)

I mean asking you to split the divorce costs - geesh.

Ever since you mentioned this, I have been pondering it. Yeah, I shouldn't have to help her pay to D me. Then again, if it's really as inexpensive a fee as she says it is, it might not be worth it to make a big deal out of it. The less battles I'll have to wage with her, the better off I'll be.

I don't think your w's reaction is NOT typical. It seems to be a phase they all go through. IMHO - all part of the justification game they play with themselves.

I very much agree. I felt this was the case because I've seen it SO many times in countless other threads. They have to think that we're 100% to blame or else that means that they actually had a hand in the demise of the M, which means they would have to assume some of the guilt and actually reflect on themselves some.

If you can, shift through the conversation and see if there is any truth behind it. If there is.. change that. If not, let it roll off your back.

Keep on with the changes though. I know it's hard to understand but I believe that spouses spew venom because they are noticing the changes... but having a hard time dealing with them.

As for the first part, it's all we can do, right? I know I had work to do, but I also know that I'm no monster. Otherwise, she wouldn't keep trying to keep me close.

As for the second, I concur. I have spoiled her to years of me doing whatever she wants, hardly ever disagreeing, and jumping when she said how high. Now I'm standing up to her and saying no, so that frustrates her.