I meant the determination NOT to lash out at her in anger.
If you read some of the other threads here, you will see the same sort of pattern in so many of them. One spouse is stuck in the past, while the other is left to go forward as best he/she can. And you CAN move on if that is what you are ready to do. You don't have to wait for her to give you permission. She won't be ready to go forward until she comes out of her "crisis" or whatever. No matter what you or anyone else says to her, she mentally can't move on until then. It really is like an alien has taken over her mind. And playing the victim is one part of it. It's all your fault, you are the only one who has and caused problems. She was perfect and faultless in her mind right now. My H did that. He told me that I did nothing right, except as a mother, and he had no problems, they were all caused by me. He rewrote our history together until he had me believing most of it. It will drive YOU nuts if you let it.
Just let her be, let her come to the end of her journey when she is ready. If she comes to her senses and finds you still want to be with her, then great. If she comes and finds you have moved on to the extent where you no longer want her, then that is YOUR choice to make. God gave us one out of M, and that's when a spouse commits adultery, the innocent one can D him/her and remarry.
I know you are really hurt and frustrated by all this, but that's why we are to GAL, work on ourselves, enjoy our friends and families, live our lives to the fullest. We then become better people whether or not we R with our spouses.
Come here to "yell" and get it out and get advice. You are doing way better than a few months ago, you know. Enjoy Christmas with your kids, make memories with them and other family and friends, let your W do her own thing, go as dark as you can with her, let her see what it will be like in the future without her H/friend.
