Given all that you're dealing with, I would say you don't need to decide anything right now.
If and when he takes some action, you can decide what to do then.
At some point you may decide you want to file yourself. Protect yourself financially, but if there is no need to file, then don't. Unless and until that is a decision that truly comes from a place of peace inside you. Not a place of "shaking him up" or anger or retribution.
You're right that no contact is for you. It's to give you some breathing room. It isn't and shouldn't be used as punishment.
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I do all the stuff we arent suppose to, like check his cell phone records..
I'm not a big proponent of snooping. Why? What does it really bring you, except more pain? I'm not into that, I don't need to know. At the same time, I can't say I live in a world of denial. When something is put on my plate I deal with it, but not until. The last few years have been more than messy enough, that I don't go looking for trouble.
Besides, my H doesn't live with us and hasn't for a few years. It's not like he's trying to pull the wool over my eyes about something.
Is 4 months to soon? I don't know. It was for me. As far as black and white regarding together or not, I think that's something we all answer in our different ways.
For example, I am not with my H. Will we ever be? I don't know. He had emotionally divorced himself from me before he ever moved out.
I live my life as I see fit, for both myself and my D's. At some point in the not too distant future. I will live it for me alone.
Does that mean there is no hope? I see lots of gray areas here, but if I had to divide it into two camps. Emily Dickinson "Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all.” and Friedrich Nietzsche “Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man”. Where we fall in this is as individual as we are.
