2nd Thread - After almost 1 year, I keep going

[keep_going]

Journaling


Monday
Took girls to pre-school and spent the morning hanging some panels to cover my washer and dryer closet. I hate clutter and have been meaning to do this for a long time. I started on Saturday, but ran into a couple of glitches - put the wrong screw, etc. I finally finished and it looked nice. Not perfect, but nice. It was nice to do yet another house project on my own w/o H.

Took kids to swim lesson in the afternoon with my dad. He was so impressed by their progress and the girls loved the encouragement and support. I am lucky my dad is still healthy enough to share and enjoy these moments with me and be part of my kids' lives.

MIL called while we were there - she wanted to come see me and the girls. She said they missed me at Thanksgiving dinner and she had something for me.
I love her - she is like a second mother to me and I know she is hurting badly with all of this.
(SIL told me over the weekend that H "bullied his mom." She had wanted to invite me over - she doesn't know about OW, and had a huge fight about it with my H. In the end, she did not invite me. I don't know how far the conversation went, but SIL said that MIL did not mention OW, so I assume H didn't come clean about that.)

Then H texted saying he wanted to stop by, so I told him MIL was coming too.

MIL brought me this beautiful Nativity set that was very dear to her. I was so touched and thankful. We hugged and got emotional. H didn't seem happy about this. He used to love the fact that I was so close to his family. Now, I am just not so sure.

I was nice with H. We ended having a family dinner. If you didn't know anything, you would have thought that everything was back to normal. H was pleasant, but serious. Now I really notice how serious he is when we are together. He has been like that for so long, that I just probably got used to it and thought it normal. Now I see it's not. I have seen photos of him looking really happy - it pains me to see that I was not able to make him that happy for years...I wish I had a second chance to make him as happy as OW makes him now.

Overall a good evening. I was pleasant, upbeat and focused on MIL kids and was nice to H. I told them about the gabba gabba show and how fun it was. It didnt' look like H was bummed he missed it. Oh well.

I could tell he missed the kids - three days w/o seeing them. But when he is with OW, he is completely MIA - his choice... Sad.

When MIL left, she invited me to bring kids up to her place next week. It should be very nice.
Then when H said goodbye, he asked about my specific plans were for the weekend of 12/18. He never asks this far in advance, unless he has plans with OW - I guess I know now when she is coming to town next...

He also apologized for not responding to my text from Friday night where I asked about the baby's feeding schedule and where he left the formula and pacifier. I had texted him literally 10 minutes after he dropped them off that night and he never replied. Anyways, he said he didn't get the text until hrs. later and he thought by then I would have figured things out, so he didn't respond. He said he should have though, and he apologized.

I acknowledged his apology and said I was glad it wasn't an emergency. I probably should have not said it... He got defensive and asked what I meant. I said that if I have an emergency I hope I'll be able to reach him (anytime he is with OW he completely ignores my calls or texts - for hours, days or sometimes just never acknowledges them.

I personally think that is rude - regardless of who the person is. I would not do that even to an acquaintance and that is why I felt compelled to say something. But I realize now it was not good DBing. It came out like a complaint.

Apart from that, a good day and interaction.