A few weeks ago MIL (mother in law) told me that she would call me once a week (on Thursdays) and leave a message if I wasn't home, but so far she hasn't called and the only communication I've had with her was when I called her recently. I know my MIL's father had a stroke at around the same time she was scheduled to go back to work. I'm guessing that between these two events my MIL is probably very busy and just doesn't have time.
Over the last couple of weeks I have continued to see our MC's (they are our pastor and his wife). They agree that the time is coming where my W will need to step up and start communicating. They feel that as an adult and my wife she at least owes me some explanation of what is going on, even if the explanation is that she doesn't really know but needs more time to figure things out. My MC's concern is that my W is trying to simply run away and ignore everything including the M and hope it all goes away on it's own. This is probably a defensive coping mechanism from her past trauma. The MC's advised that I get in touch with my ILs and ask them to try and set up some kind of communication between my W and I. They said face to face would be best but we agree that my W probably won't want to do that so it will likely be over the phone ... if she agrees at all. If she doesn't agree to talk to me, then they recommend writing a very short letter basically stating:
"I love you, I need to know what is going on. Please talk to me..."
My MCs feel that is important that even if my W wants to end the M, that she take responsibility for it and verbalize it herself. If she does, they told me to make sure she realizes the seriousness of her decision. They also said it is important that when or if we talk I do not lead her into any decisions. (i.e don't say something like: "Everything that you have done points to you wanting to end the marriage").
Although my MCs didn't say when I should go about doing this, they said that it seemed like the time was approaching when communication between my W and I has to be made. They said I would know in my heart when the time was right.
Sooo... with that being said...
I was able to call my mother-in-law Saturday morning and chat for about 15 minutes.
According to MIL my W did receive her anniversary gift. I asked her if my W liked the gift and she said that my W didn't say very much and it was hard to tell. I told my MIL that my W needs to tell me something, anything, about what is happening. My MIL says that my W is distancing herself from her but she will try to figure out where her head is at and get her to talk to me. My MIL also said that my W has not seen her grandfather in the hospital yet. My MIL thinks that my W is avoiding it because she is afraid of running into her old pastor who will tell her something she does not want to hear, namely that her place is with her husband. Apparently my W is supposed to be spending a night at my ILs sometime this week which is when my MIL will try and talk to her.
That all being said, nothing has really changed. My W still has not spoken to me. Perhaps I jumped the gun by asking my MIL to try and get her to talk to me. I'm not trying to accelerate a decision either way, I'm just trying to figure out what the heck is going on.
I myself feel ok I guess. I still find certain things very painful and still find myself crying quite a bit when alone. I have been getting out more though. I'm going to a party with friends I haven't really hung out with since meeting my W. (After meeting my W kind of stopped hanging out with most of my friends). I've also been praying quite a lot, which I find helps the most.
Me: 27 Ex W: 26 Together:3 M:2010-11-20 Ex W walked: 2011-10-13 D: 2013-03-03
