I truly have not done anything that would constitute as snooping between my last two posts, which was about a week apart. This time I really only did look at the online phone bill, which does show me all the details of the to/from and times of the texts, but obviously not the content.

That being said, what triggered it this time was her sudden interest in going out with her female friend on Sunday night. This definitely made me suspicious and seeing the texts to/from and call to the OM reaffirmed my decision to check the phone bill. It's possible that after she decided not to go she figured it was because I thought she was going to see the OM and wanted to see if I had been snooping. Or, she was going to see the OM and communicated to him that she was not going to that night.

I felt really bad and very controlling when she told me she was not going to go out because "it was clear I didn't want her to." Over our M I always prided myself on letting her do whatever she wanted and not restricting her like so many other Hs do. I always used to tell her that it was ridiculous that other Ws had to ask their Hs permission to live a normal life, but yet here I am today telling you that I did just that.

I definitely don't trust that she will go out with her female friend and not see the OM. If I tell her that then it's going to be an argument since my W feels she has done nothing wrong. That's why I think her admission of some kind of A or showing remorse would help... but after reading all these insights you all offer I realize I may never get that.

What do I do?
1. Stop snooping and assume she's not talking to the OM
2. Continue snooping to see if she's talking to the OM
3. Admit to the snooping and ask why she is talking to the OM
4. Casually ask her if she's talking to the OM to see if she will lie about it

The problem in my head is that I thought we were in the "no contact" phase and working on our issues... but apparently she has justified communicating with the OM on some level, and I'm not OK with that. How do I re-communicate that boundary without admitting to snooping?