Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[workinghardguy]

Thanks Oldtimer... I agree with a lot of what you posted. I should say that much of my post was my inner voice, not necessarily what I actually said. For example the convo about the SS and SD, I largely said what you posted. That I'd like to be in their lives but it's her choice, that it will create conflict for S to get attention and not the others

The issue is that I've let her do all the D work. But she's not good at it. So we end up wheel-spinning. However, I have resisted doing anything for the D since that's the guidance my coach has been giving me.

This morning though during my run I've started thinking that I need to play a more active role. If I don't shape my future she will shape it, and I'm not okay with that. Maybe it accelerates this faster or maybe it doesn't, but at this point who cares? It's all coming on anyway. I'd rather be in the driver's seat than sitting in the back of the bus.

As far as dating... yes, I'm quite sure she's at least spending some "quality time" with others. I wouldn't call it dating per se, but once I'm out of the picture it will pick up. I would be surprised to see a full-blown R, but going out with guys I can completely see. She can't stand being with herself, which is how we ended up here to a degree, so there is no reason to think that is going to change.

As far as the business side, I agree and I agree that co-parenting is a lot about business. That's actually where the child care convo went. She can hire child care for probably $100-$200 a week and I would have to pay some portion of that. Or I can do it. If I do it a) I can better maintain an R with SS and SD and b) not spend money on someone else to do what I can do and am willing to do. I did tell her that it's entirely her call because it is.

We have talked with C about telling the kids. She is the one who wants to do something other than what the C is telling us to do. This is a flashpoint between us right now because what I've wanted (waiting until 30-45 days beforehand) is what the C says we should do and she wants to do 90 days before or so.