REQ: Looking for a thread from a fellow DBer...

[Abbey]

Abbey,

I get what you are doing and why. You are creating a survival plan AND an exit plan. You seem to have analyzed and educated yourself as to the dynamics of what your H is ensconced in. I applaud you and your incredible strength.

Thanks MZ,

I'm not sure if it's strength or self protection. It's hard to try to stay "hard" and chin up. Hearing what went on this morning with the, and her calling him for every little burp in her life, needing his input on ever aspect of her existence seems to entice him. It makes him feel needed and important. It's broken bird syndrome. He's buying it hook, line and sinker.

I found something interesting the other day on another site: I'm going to quote a bit of it.

Quote: Why is this type appealing to an MLCer? The simple answer is that MLCers are drama queens and many crave the excitement that is a byproduct of a volatile relationship. This excitement keeps the relationship going--in an on-again-off-again pattern, but it is the initial adoration and idolization that draws the self-hating MLCer into the web of seduction. Once the in-fatuation hormones release there is no stopping the relationship; it must and will continue until it destroys itself. Interference and attempts by the spouse to kill the relationship will only give it more power.

The Borderline's dependency appeals to the Knight in Shining Armour Syndrome so common to MLCers. She is intoxicatingly exciting and at the same time vulnerable and broken. He sees a woman who can not only bring excitement to his life, but whom he can fix while she does it. There may be a recognition of his own broken state and some MLCers will feel that since they are unable to fix themselves they should try to fix someone else instead--perhaps in this manner they think will fix themselves as a byproduct. Being a rescuer enables an MLCer to feel a greater sense of self-worth and value.



This describes my H to a tee. He's intoxicated by her neediness and her chaos.