Today I have got so fed up of this horrible stomach wrenching and complete sadness, that I have booked some time with a therapist about 30 miles away. He is solution oriented and thinks he can help.
I have had a friend of mine call to see me today, he is a vicar in a local church. His opinion is that I should just walk away, which is not what I wanted to hear, so that didn't help.
I seem to alternate between a steadfast desire to wait forever and the next, writing her a Dear Jane. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of the loss, Christmas cards with WIFE on the cover in the entrance to the supermarket, The same (unusual) model of car she has everywhere I look etc.
I do want to have her home and my lack of patience and positivity is just wearing me down. I need people around me to give me cause for hope, not tell me to "just walk away". On this forum may be the only people who knows how it feels. It is true that I am causing myself this anguish, she is not holding my guts in her hand after all. That is why I though I would see someone professional.
Browsing the therapist's website made my co-dependant status come up. I was looking at what he offers and thinking "W could do with that, W could do with that or that. I wonder if she would go, I would even pay for her"
I have made myself quite a mess this week. Running things through my head from our relationship, finding bad times and beating myself up about how much better I could have treated her. Then I had my W and no knowledge. Now I have the inverse.
