Okay all you fellow DB'ers. I am seeking your wisdom.
I am going to a lawyer today to get the facts about divorce. I want to know what the reality of divorce law is in case this doesn't work out, and I want to have the facts with me as I walk through this minefield of daily horror.
I am really at a crossroads internally.
On the one hand:
- my W is in the midst of a life crisis, is seeing a psychiatrist, and is on anti-anxiety meds - has made it clear that she understands that she will need time to work through this, but needs to do it this way (alone) if she is going to put her life together - seems to be making better connections back to me as her H, and to our boys - has stopped saying things like our M is not going to work at all to at least being open that there may be a future - talks about our home and projects as if we are going to be living there in the long term - does stuff with me all the time and that has changed radically since the bomb dropped - I still love her, believe we can work it out if both pursue that, and take my marriage/spiritual vows to her very seriously
On the other hand:
- she is completely self-absorbed, has alienated me, our boys, family and friends; and does not even seem to be aware of her self-centeredness - have lived in separate rooms from me for 8 mos, shows no affection to me whatsover, and acts as if we had not been married for 24 yrs - does whatever she wants, whenever she wants with no real regard for me, and no apologies - is in a full blown EA, and possible PA. I can't prove the PA but believe it more than not. If I were to list the evidence here most people would agree that yes, PA. - has lied to me and the kids and been caught a number of times - has total disregard for its affects on me and others - I worry that her signs of small improvements and being kinder may only be a ruse by her to buy time and get her new life in order. i.e try to get a relationship back with the kids and family, set herself up with the OM, and once that is done leave me for good.
The loving side of me say bear this out, keep busy, keep the end goal in mind but stop suffering the present.
The daily hurtng side of me says to move-on, make her work her way back to me but don't wait for her to do that. The A makes me incredible angry and hurt and while I am being so patient with her, she has no regard for the damages this is causing.
I don't want to leave a legacy of divorce to my sons. I want to see this through to its conclusion but literally hate the double standard we are living under.
