wife won't admit PA with OM

[Harrier]

jake

As yourself why did you snoop the other night? What were the circumstances that lead to it? Did you W leave her phone out? Were you feeling especially bored, scared, lonely anxious? How can you avoid those situations because at first, to me it was about avoiding the temptation because I knew it was too strong to resist.

There were time I left the room/house, or went to go to the drugstore on a drive, played video games, watched a funny movie ... anything to take away the thoughts and temptation.

Now I don't need the distractions to do the right thing.

You need to be honest with us too. You looked at more than the phone bill. The phone bill isn't going to give you the the time of the text not the content and you clearly got the content in your wife's convo with her friend.

Let me be frank, you aren't doing your part to work on the m from this day forward (as 25 says) You are too busy looking behind. You and your wife's half-hearted attempts will only fail if you can't get a hold of this. the constant snooping is not building trust in your W, it's actually destroying it further. her talking to him is also destroying trust but you can't control that.

I think you've said at least 3-4 times that you told you wife to stop talking to OM and she agreed. That hasn't worked, yet you continue down that same road. It's like the old joke about how cops in London stop a criminal without guns..."Stop...or I'll say stop again."

I disagree with GB about the "respect" issue and getting pissy about it. I do agree that you need to have boundaries for yourself.

Ultimately, all the logic, anger, talks about how your W really feels about the OM are pretty useless IMO. Only she can decide what she wants to do about the OM, no you. You can only control yourself.