First off....I like what and how you write very much. Reading your stich though I get the feeling you are caught in one of the 180 catch-22's. Being more sexual and not appearing to "withhold" ML would be a huge 180 in your relationship for you, but at the same time he is continuing to have an affair. So you are in essence trapped. I know that DB does advocate, to a point, maintaining a sexual relationship with a spouse because it does keep that connection. At the same time though you are allowing yourself to be a choice....and I worry what impact that may have on you.
I feel that men are much more likely to do the cakewalk than women from what I have experienced and read on here. When my wife left and moved in with the OM I got a good view into this cakewalking. The OM had setup, prior to my wife moving in, an elaborate system with his wife to have an affair. At first it was all loving and nice.....but after a month or so she started feeling very used. To this he replied that sex with my wife was great and had much more energy, but she just didn't do the things he wanted (and that sex was no were near frequent enough) and that his wife would do. So that built up some hope in his wife and they continued for another month....at which point she became ashamed of just being the other woman and a fling to get him off. So she ceased their activities and with that he stopped talking to her as much. Confirming to her that she was nothing more than a piece for him to have on the side.
The irony of course in knowing everything is that he was getting everything he wanted and more from wife....to the point now that at times she seems almost victimized.
I won't comment one way or the other on continuing with him.....the question is what are you comfortable with being aware of the possibilities?
