First post, words of wisdom needed

[sunshine76]

Thank you both very much for replying. Let me just clarify that my partner and I are not legally married, but we have been together for over 9 years and had a commitment ceremony.

We moved to California about 9 months ago and I really do not have any friends so I just recently started going to the movies by myself or going and driving around in my car. She doesn't ask who I am going with so I just let her think what ever she would like. I am acting upbeat and happy around her. When she leaves I do not ask where she is going... I have stopped texting her. I am not sure what else I should be doing. I am really trying to focus on school and finding a part-time job right now so a social life is not really on my radar but I see where is would make things easier.

My partner is 45 years old and I am 35. When we moved to California she encouraged me to go back to school, so she is now the main bread winner. I pushed her away by being moody and depressed all of the time, yet when I was around friends I would always put on a smile, laugh... Basically, she got the crappy side of me. We had a ton of very stressful things happen since we have been together for example, my mom was killed in a car accident, she had colon cancer, her dad died, her mom had breast cancer, and believe it or not the list goes on and on. The funny thing about us is that we really balanced each other out. When one of us was down the other one would step in and vice versa. We were always closest when there was some kind of turmoil going on. I guess we just got used to surviving and forgot to have fun and take care of our relationship.

She feels like I am completely smoothering her. She wants to go out and ride her bike all day on saturday and not have to come home to me being in a bad mood because she did not spend the day with me. She also said that she wants someone that shares the same interests as she does i.e. long distance bike riding.

So far my 180 is absolutly no sulking in front of her. I have been happy and upbeat. I have gone out a couple of times this week by myself just to get out of the house. I really don't know what else I could or should be doing.

She really is a great person but she has definetely emotionally detached and I don't like the person that she is right now, but I guess there were a lot of times when she didn't like me too.

Thank you both again for responding. I haven't talked to anyone about all of this so it is nice to have people to talk to. I am totally open to suggestions and constructive criticism.

Thank You,
Sunshine