but you wont do the same

[AJM80]

Hi KG - Thank you so much for your post. I hope you guys are doing ok through the holidays. That was the WORST last year.

I have started to detach since we moved out of state. H helped me financially and we agree on a lot of things about raising the kids. Sometimes he still makes me mad, but I have really learned that being mad at him doesn't change anything. It doesn't bring my closer to peace or erase what has happened. I am more and more convinced that I am better off without him. Because really, how can you be better off with someone who DOESNT want to be with you. If God works a miracle and things change, it will be a new relationship between two totally changed people...I truly believe that and I hope you can start to see it too.

What I thought was silly advice turned out to be the best...
1) Join your local ymca and start working out everyday. The Y where we are now has free childcare and it is amazing. For an hour or so, almost everyday, my kids get to socialize with calm, happy adults and children. I get to workout, which was hard the 1st 2 weeks. Then it started to get easier...then the gym regulars started talking to me and including me in their joking and chatter....then I started to look better and feel stronger and have more energy and pride. I may not be eating better or losing any weight, but as a woman and a mom, it helped kick me back into an upswing.

2) If you're like me, you need to get out of your head. A good girlfriend, who had a front row seat to all this, told me I needed to stop over thinking and trying to plan everything out. Life wasn't going to fit my planning and trying to think through each step and possible result was maddening. So I let a lot of it go and have been much happier since.

On a personal note, if you're ok and making decent choices, your kids will be ok. They may not be perfect, but who gets to be perfect? Get family support (moving back by, not with, my parents and his parents has been huge), get time away from the kids, and embrace the good things in your life. My son saved me, I think. I'm not going to raise him that way....but cuddling that little newborn and knowing what I had, that my husband would never get back...that made me calm and made me feel strong about the path I chose.

A billion words..not sure if it helps you. Just truly, truly believe that you life may not be what you planned, may not be perfect, but it'll be ok. Teach it to your kids by showing them that you're ok. That comes from you, not from any man or job or relationship.