Curve balls? Heck, I don't even play softball!!!

[In_Shock]

yes, i did see where you posted in the last thread 25. I too am not sure how to do all the 'fancy' stuff -- so I just copied and pasted what you wrote and I'll address it here> Thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much for all the input!!!!!!

25years wrote in italics ---- my answers are in bold and red:
so let me get this straight...

she wants to end the 13 m, take the kid, AND keep the house AND kick you out?

apparently. Who IS this alien????....

Oh okay....so are you saying that's NOT okay with you? Sheesh...so selfish.

I know, really I think she's only being fair.....

Okay so I think if there are records of your contribution to the house you can make an argument that you have an ownership interest that is open to the "public" meaning you did not engage in subterfuge and they knew when they got your money who you were. I actually know someone who told this to A BANK --meaning the friend had paid the mortgage for 5 years after his buddy and house mate died. But when he went to have his name put on the deed, The bank said "1) who are you? And we want to charge you a fee to change the name on the title and

2) we need proof of who you are. How do we know you have an interest in this property?

and he said "You cashed MY checks for years, so YOU KNOW I EXIST" or words to that effect. Somehow it worked.

YOUR w certainly knows you paid half.

Problem--- I gave the money to her --not directly to the bank. The checks were for my half of house payment plus some money on the line of credit we got when we adopted S. The bank doesn't know me. W definitely knows I paid half the mortgage.....BUT she's saying things now like:"well, my dad and I did all this work around here, you didn't pay for those things, etc..."

Well, you know, I understand that == it's damn hard to leave one's home...but home improvement...those things are what one does when one lives in a home for 6 years. I always asked her how much my share of the home improvement cost was. Sometimes she took money. Mostly she shrugged it off. Was she planning this? Or was it just that we were in a committed R and --- hey, I'll buy this stuff and you get that other thing later..... I personally think it's the second one. I am not a fix-it person. I don't know how to build things or fix plumbing. W does. I cook, I clean, I do that sort of thing Perhaps not as 'big' as the maintenance but still important nonetheless. I also know she says that I didn't do enough of the cleaning,etc.... I have been doing a real 180 for months on that --

Maybe she thought it was a LOAN to her
and she'll be glad to repay you.


If it's higher than rent would have been or if paid any downpayment, get it back.

She's so over the line. You need to DB clearly.


Stating that you accept her choice to leave the relationship but you expect fairness and respect in asset division and custodial rights to YOUR son....

Right. I've been trying this very recently....I agree I am in damage control mode. We need separation. I just don't agree that I must be the one to leave. I can afford it here alone. She cannot. She also told me she can't afford to rent a house that is decent -- she said she can only afford the two br one bath variety. She said....that is SO small for two people...*her and S* My internal response...(not aloud) --didn't think this through very well didja? Taking a huge cut in standard of living since you make a LOT less $$ than I do.. The home we have is great. The ones she can afford to rent - not so great. Fact. Natural and logical consequences.

[b]Honestly, as crazy as it sounds, I feel so bad for her. I don't want her to feel bad- or to hurt. I love her and want the M to be saved and our family to be intact....But you are right----- I can't be the martyr, definitely. I refuse to go down without at least asserting my legal rights. I'm just so afraid due to where we live....well, I will know more on Friday ---- so PRAY again for this agnostic, coming around heathen.
[/b]

AND that you will take legal action to vigorously protect your interests in son and property. YES IS SAY THIS EVEN IF IT MAKES HER MAD AT YOU...WHAT WILL SHE DO, LEAVE YOU? OH WAIT...SHE ALREADY IS..

YOU ARE NOW IN DAMAGE CONTROL MODE...

Don't forget that...the r can take care of itself later. You won't win ANY points with her by being a martyr and you could lose a lot!


This is Not YOU being "difficult" - but you simply asserting right to basic fairness and decency.

In theory I say everyone has the right to end a R, although not a parental one, as she seems intent on doing with you and son. (My friend, you must not think she is above that)...

I really really don't trust ANYONE after this at ALL --- so as much as I don't think she would actually take S from me- I HOPE --- I do know she knows she has all the marbles and will be able to decide things like ..oh, for example who he's with on holidays...I'm too afraid to argue. It's absolutely maddening and I feel like I am going mad sometimes.



She's taking the situation and really twisting the knife.

So sorry.


OH, that's the pain I'm feeling?????

See the L with several questions written out ahead of time so you dont' freak out and zone out....Also make sure the L is a specialist. NOT a solo practioner but in a firm with some resources so your w (or her L) believes you'd be willing to go to trial to get your rights asserted.

Act like it even if you know you would not. Time to play some poker. DO NOT FOLD....