Living with groundlessness

[AntoniaB]

So I mentioned a few days ago that XH sent me a check for vet bills. I wrote him a short and sweet thank you note via email, just said it was really nice of him, that me and the cats had a lot of gratitude that he was so generous, and that we hoped that he would take good care of himself.

Today was his first day back at work after the holidays which I'm sure he spent with OW at his parents' house (sidebar we aren't FB friends but I can see who his new friends are, and he friended a person from his hometown/highschool over the break, and I can't tell you how nuts this is as he abhorred his hometown and anyone who went to school there...this woman predates me/wouldn't know me, though, so, and she isn't the first "pre-Antonia" person he's friended on FB).

Anyway today the minute he gets to work, he emails a reply to say we are all very welcome, he hopes we had a nice holiday and hopes that we all stay healthy for a long time. Then he writes..."3 1/2 weeks till Christmas Break...I can do this..."

See it again? Why does he keep reaching out on the job thing?

Basically I replied that I could help him with his approach to his job if he wanted the help, but I seriously doubt he'll take me up on the offer. I feel like his back will need to be against a wall to ever change his attitude or perception.

I have gone round and round in my own head asking myself "why on earth did you offer to help him out", and all I can come up with honestly is that this is what I do now, this is the kind of thing that generally makes me feel good, using what I learned from here or from therapy and helping other people out.

It's like, I have terrible hopes that his time with OW is bad ;-) but it actually does bother me to think he's so miserable otherwise. I guess one could call this empathy for the devil, ha ha (bad Rolling Stones reference there!)

My only expectation is that he won't take me up on the offer :-)