At one point during our separation, XH emailed me and wanted to know why I was 'going after' him, when I had let off my first husband so easily. My answer was simple logic. My first marriage lasted 3 whole years. We didn't have anything to 'go after'. As for what he and I had, I had twenty years invested in our life together, and was just as entitled to it as he was.
PLEASE, DO NOT settle for less just to make him shut up, or get it over with, or because you feel sorry for him. You have the rest of YOUR life to live, and you should not forfeit in order to make his more comfortable.
As for his use of you as the scapegoat for not getting the D, Just smile and walk away. If you don't have at least a reasonable legal settlement, get one. He can put his money where his mouth is.
The rule of thumb that worked for me??? Ask for twice what you would happily receive. The judge is going to cut what you ask for, and hubby will think he got off light. It will take time for him to realize he has been "punk'in'd"
