Husband Left...Part 2

[Accuray]

Hopeful,

I think your H is manipulating you. If he's hugging you, holding your hand, etc. I don't believe his feelings for you are "empty". Do you remember being "done" with someone you broke up with? Usually you want to avoid them at all costs, you don't continue to seek them out, and you certainly avoid physical contact if you can.

I think H is extremely fearful of needing you more than you need him. Your detaching is knocking him off balance, so he's ramping up the aggression to "keep you in your place". He's going to be just nice enough to keep you on the line, but will then continue to knock you down so he stays in control of the relationship.

I could certainly argue that leaving the hair clips in view was a power play. I would bet he fears getting to a place where you don't want to kiss him or hug him -- he doesn't know what to do in that scenario.

Detaching did NOT drive him to have sex with a co-worker as others have pointed out -- put that out of your mind. You need to reverse the power dynamic here if you want him back to stay. Write on your hand "H needs me more than I need him" -- convince yourself of that or "act as if". Next time he asks you to come over to ML and you tell him "no", you'll make progress. That will scare him so he may lash out by telling you he's sleeping with someone else, telling you he doesn't like you anymore, etc. He'll do what he can to hurt you because he's scared. Be tough, stay the course, make him come back to you on YOUR terms, not his.

--Accuray