I guess this is more "journaling" than anything else - but it's probably helpful to get it out (therapy?) and if anyone has commentary or thoughts, all the better.
Last night and this morning I kept trying to wrap my brain around the question "is she really happier without me now?". When I went to pick up our son her new place looked fairly spartan, but she was happy and bubbly. Was she acting? Was I really THAT bad that any escape from me could uplift her spirits and mood? Again, she suffers from depression - does that factor in?
What hits me the most is that I can't believe that she can't find anything in our 8 years together that is good, that is positive, that is enough to tell her "hang on, this is just something you need to work through" - not even the birth of our son. I can easily remember good and loving times - RECENT good and loving times. Could it be that the amount of anger or hurt she was holding inside has cast a shadow over all of them? Will she ever remember that there were good times? I had made her an album and then, after reading about LRT, decided to scrap it.
I know I shouldn't focus on what's in her head right now, I should just focus on myself and my son - but I always wonder if she misses me - if she misses talking to me. And if not, will she ever again?
