Confronted spouse...now he wont come home

[Nblost]

Talked more with H last night. He doesn't know what he wants. He won't tell me what he really likes about OW (he thinks it would hurt me too much) but says there are things about me that she doesn't have. That is probably a huge admission from him...I should recognize that as progress.

He said he is having a hard time and said he didn't ever think he would be in this situation. I told him about some of my reading and how these things do happen to a lot of people.

I asked him how the next year would play out if he could control things...he doesn't know. I asked another way and he said again, he doesn't know. He doesn't blame me for telling him that he needs to move out.

He said he would read a book if I want him to or he could talk to our counselor. I may try to see if he will go to MC but that will be a challenge with his work schedule.

He has also noticed I am trying to make changes in myself, but he knows it is hard for me given the A and how he is gone all of the time so I have the kids.

He drove to the airport for his flight and called me on the way and we talked about about 30 minutes...mostly me talking about "small talk" but seemed positive he was willing to listen. I think when he hung up, he said a quick "love you" in his goodbye...but I haven't heard it for so long that I may have hallucinated it.

Anyway, interesting...I think I need to continue the mix of LRT (giving him space) and GAL.. I wish I knew more about what he likes about OW...I asked what he likes about himself when he is with her and he said he didn't know.

It seems obvious to me that if you are truly conflicted in this situation...you should make an effort to at least try to save the marriage and our family.

Hopefully some pressure is building on him to make a decision. I think time is my friend although I am worried about their little vacation on December 9. He has been warming up to me over the last couple months...so hopefully that can continue.

Let me know if anyone has advice.