This is what I'm struggling with as I'm now facing that fact that H is not coming back. My desire to have what we used to be kept fueling my hope. My hope kept me looking for signs and reading into what really wasn't there.
Well here are my thoughts although CAT and Beatrice have given you great advice.
You are getting into the darkest part of the tunnel with no light behind or ahead. Most LBS give up at this point, so what you are feeling is perfectly natural.
You know that your old marriage was over at BD, so although you looked for signs and signals it would not have mattered one way or the other.
You don't know that your husband is not coming back, or is coming back. There really is no predicting that. So YOU know that the conventional advice is to get on with living your life "as if" he is not coming back. Really that is all we can do. What that means only YOU can decide. That is really the good deal out of all this is that YOU get to decide for YOU. You get to choose for D12 (or is she 13 now?) and you and all the others are old enough to fend for themselves.
The rest of it as you know is straight out of the MLC handbook. If it was not happening to YOU then I know that you would have good advice for yourself.
Keep detached and try not to get drawn into his tricks.
