I see a few things going on here and while I could address them privately, I think this has begun a very good discussion...
Please don't sell yourself short in any of this. If you want only what the state allows to simply "put the screws" to your H, then I would suggest looking at that...
I don't believe that is the reason though...
If you want to settle for less, just to make this "go away" easier, to make his choices easier for him, look at that too...
We can't and aren't responsible for saving them...
However, if you are ready and want to settle things as amicably as possible, then you simply need to make the choices for you that are the best ones for you.
Regardless of how they affect him.
As for him and your level of detatchment...
HE is no where near the end of this. He is moving very slowly and those that go in and out of this, seem to be much slower movers than those that go into MLC and stay there. I don't know why, simply my experience and observations of MLC.
Whether you D now, or let it go until he does something more about it (or doesn't), he is going to continue this at HIS pace and the dynamic between you and he won't change much. It may improve for a bit, then go back, then go forward again...
And that may happen many times. They see little things and step towards us and our children. Then something happens and they are off on the wild ride again for a while. The intervals get shorter but they still happen. Actually, you guys are right at the point in the time line for that to be beginning based on what I've seen...
Your detatchment is also affected by this. Because you see the steps more clearly than he does. Each little glimpse of forward motion makes us even a little bit hopeful and then the glaring reversal, reminds us that they are in MLC land. Which, after time, we do tend to forget. We get used to living at our levels of detatchment, we get used to being "single", we get used to the animosity, the silence, the peace that comes with that. So the touch and gos (or whatever you want to call them) are a jolt for us, back into an old reality, one that we live but don't live anymore.
Personally, I view these things as opportunities now to see where I am. To reevaluate my place in my life a bit.
You are a good person and have hope that he will come through this, whether he comes back to you or not, you still hope he will begin to see the truth. Unfortunately, their truth and our truth, don't always mesh, no matter how much time has passed.
That is the reality of more than one person being involved in any situation. We all have our own perspective and experience and the real truth, is usually a combination of those perspectives.
I have always told you that you have your answers. That you will know when it is time to take action, speak your mind, whatever it is you need to do. If you are questioning it, analyzing it, having second thoughts, then it isn't time yet.
I received an email this morning, one of those "thought of the day" type...
It said...
"Detours, challenges, and crisis, are simply covers for miracles that have no other way of reaching you"
I have learned that in my life, through this and other things. I believe it but sometimes, we need the reminder.
(((hugs)))
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
