H was angry when I told him that I would work with him on everything else and buy him out of the house, but would not compromise on the money. (I would accept what the state allows only.)
I think I surprised him with my backbone. He figured I'd go along with his original plan of escape. When it was clear that it wasn't going to go his way, he was mad and threatened me and demanded that if it was going to be this way then I had to do this, this, and this, first. I simply told him to send it to his L so he could send it to mine for review.
H even went as far as 'breaking it down' for me by running the numbers. He told me that after I was through he'd only have half a paycheck. He told me that I was trying to put the boots to him and ow.
Apparently, he has decided that to avoid giving me half, even though I have to continue to pay all 'our' bills to maintain home and property, that he will not go forward with the D. That way he can continue with his lifestyle.
I think that is why he decided to start paying the utilities on my place. That was definitely a cheaper out for him and took the heat off as far as having to think about how much less money he'd have for a while if he went through with the D.
Guys, I think I'm beginning to accept the fact that the H I knew and loved will never come back. I noticed profound changes in him 7 years ago when his carotid artery tore causing him to have a stroke. His recovery was fast, but in ways he didn't come back and those have been in decline ever since. I am talking emotionally. Something that I had always felt he finally voiced to me, that he blamed me for his stroke during BD. There were MLC symptoms before his stroke and this event seemed to solidify it for him and eventually pushed him over the edge. It seemed to intensify his feelings of being unhappy (depressed)and feeling that he was running out of time. He needed to try and recapture that time when he was young. Certainly tried to go back in a big way.
I am at the root of his unhappiness and even though he left and got a new life, I'm still the cause. I'm at a crossroads here. Do I reach out and compromise and give him what he wants. I know that short of a miracle H will not be back. I could give him this last gift and take less and give him his 'freedom'.
This is what I'm struggling with as I'm now facing that fact that H is not coming back. My desire to have what we used to be kept fueling my hope. My hope kept me looking for signs and reading into what really wasn't there. In truth, H really hasn't taken a look back. I do not, however, think that the last two years have been wasted. I've grown in so many ways, and I'm still growing...
It may seem that this latest incident has me spinning, but this has been rolling around in my head for a while now. As WCW said, I'm sure this hasn't been the first rumor to fly about me. I was deluding myself to think there was any loyalty left in H as far as having my back as we always had each others during our M. Pretty naive of me to think of a cheater as having loyalty.
If anyone has anything, I would as always, appreciate your thoughts and opinions.
