I'm always a little stumped by the people who start using DB and then go to Retrouvaille, and then try to combine the two. They really don't go together. And they relate to different stages of reconciliation. DB is developed for the spouse trying to attract a disinterested spouse back. And Retrouvaille is for the couple who are both willing to put effort forth and rebuild the marriage. This is especially true after the weekend, because, those entering the weekend are not necessarily willing to put forth effort nor have the decided to rebuild the marriage.
In DB, you keep your feelings to yourself, and project a happy, carefree image. In Retrouvaille, you dialogue daily (or close to it) and reveal your true feelings.
So here you are, halfway between the two, wondering what to do. And I don't have the answer for you. Perhaps 25 can do a better job. I know that your natural ebullience will come back when you learn to trust again. But when will you learn to trust again? For us, the Post sessions were a crutch that we leaned on. We crawled before we walked, and we walked before we ran. But we went every weekend, and we did all the homework, and a lot of dialoguing.
I can't say how my husband felt. I was in a lot of psychological pain during the process. Trust, learning to trust was so hard. It has to do with forgiving. You can't trust until you truly forgive. And you can't forgive until you trust. That structure! That house of cards that is love! Love, trust, commitment, forgiveness....all at once -- everyday! Or the house of cards will fall.
The fact that you are ML again is huge. It shows his commitment. The heart follows. OW is almost gone. I'd say don't push for anything until she is truly gone. Then go to as many Post sessions as you can. Ask him to dialogue with you, at least 2x per week.
And act like you are dating him. During that period of our reconciliation I was being as sexy and attractive as I could think to be. For example, when he came home from work, I would be wearing a bikini and cooking dinner (this is Florida, it's not that weird), and I would offer him a beer and an hors d'oeuvre, and keep him chatting with me in the kitchen while I fixed the meal. Like I do with company when I have people over. It broke our usual routine of him coming home and retreating to the bedroom and watching tv alone until I called him to dinner. I knew things were better when I really found myself laughing at his jokes. Actually laughing! That hadn't happened in years.
It's a slow process. Don't rush it, but I don't think you should shy away from actually dealing with the process of healing.
