I've posted before that I wouldn't DB for a long time in your situation...you are only in your mid-20's and aren't weighed down by kids, etc. You should find someone who wants you for who you are!
For some reason, I don't picture myself DB-ing very long, either. Others seem willing to wait for years if need be, but those are for long-standing M's with kids.
Originally Posted By: Grace
What does ready look like? It looks like wanting to share and being able to do so openly, not needing salve for your wounds.
That's a pretty good marker of progress, I think. My W has said some extremely cutting things to me that have made me feel unappealing and unlovable. Pursuing an R right now would be to heal the feelings that have been dredged up because of that treatment, which wouldn't be fair to the other person.
Strictly platonic activities like group activities seem like a good way to go for right now. Fleeting R's and "having fun" might be good, too, if they arise, but only if I make it clear that I'm not looking for much more, like you said. I sure don't feel like jerking anybody around.
I've thought about it for a couple of hours, and I've figured that part of the problem is that I've framed this time period as "waiting" for my W. True, part of me does want to stay unattached because I do want to see if her A dries up and she wants to work things out eventually. But I should think of this more as a healing time for me. A time for building, a time for growth. A time to live for me and not her.
Instead of thinking of this as "waiting," I'll just be going with the flow and seeing what life brings me. The desire for romance and companionship for anybody else than my W is still pretty low right now, but one day that need will rise, and I will then know where I want to go in terms of my M.
