Today she initiated deep talk again -- I tried to validate and keep calm until I got this weird curve ball thing. She says it's asking too much for us to be anythign other than 'cordial' at this point (she says we've NEVER been friends....ok.. guess I missed that part of the R) That's not the curve ball -- that's coming....that rewriting history, I can accept that. WAS do that all the time.
I'm glad you recognize that. Sometimes WAW just spew stuff to convince themselves they are making the right decision. I know it hurts so much to hear..but do your best to let it roll off your back.
But anyway, I validated and kept out of any disagreement. Then she said her anger at me had to do with a lot of things --- the fact that I've never 'listened' to her...which I know. But then the curve ball --- she says she's angry b/c I've 'dug my feet in' here at home. WHAT?? (i've lived here as long as she has) The last I heard she told me clearly she was moving out and that she couldn't afford to keep the house alone. I can, and thought that was how it was going to go. She said, "I can't afford the payment the way it is now." Hmmmm...I know a few months back she tried to refinance without telling me....and was not able to. Wonder if she's going to try that again??? Or if it would work? She's scared. She got caught up in the r with OW, I highly doubt she thought this through. She's starting to get hit with a little bit of reality... and no surprise... she is taking it out on you.
NOW I'm scared because if you recall, the house is in HER NAME---even though i've paid half the mortgage for the 6 years...etc.. She was a first time home buyer, and it was cheaper to keep me off the loan and no downpayment. BIG MISTAKE BIG MISTAKE HORRIBLE MISTAKE. I know. Same as the adoption thing. Live and learn type of bs. We had been together for 7 years when we bought the house....by that time I guess I was in total trust mode. (never again I'm afraid with anyone....I'm sure, JB, several others resemble that remark as well...LOL)
I am now terrified she's going to pull some weird thing on me and kick me out or something. My L had to reschedule consultation due to something or other last week, but I've got an appt on Friday at 4 this week. I also have an appointment at 3 pm with lender to see how much I can qualify for. If for some reason W is going to be nasty...(which I don't understand considering this whole damn thing is her decision!) I need to also be prepared to purchase my own place if necessary. I just don't want to move. (i know, whine, wahhh, cry me a river...) Just ruminating. I'm a natural depressive wink
Try not to worry too much but I agree with WHG, Seeing a L is a MUST now. As soon as possible... please.
I'm not saying this will happen but in my experience when my w started spewing anger (which is what they need to do to justify themselves)... alot of it was truth. Whatever she wanted to do she did... regardless of the consequences to me.
It was scary and it only took a couple times of me getting burned before I realized "I have to look out for myself".. because no one else will.
They say our spouses turn into aliens. This doesn't ring anymore true than when he or she is convincing themselves of their decisions.
He!! You're not whining, you're scared and you have reason to be. Life has thrown you a huge wave that has capsized your boat... and you don't have a life boat..
... but you gotta decide if you want to drown or swim. Not tread water, you aren't in that phase anymore. If you tread here.. you're gonna get eaten by the sharks.
Good grief. My stress level has shot through the roof today~!! Not only do I have to worry about shady things in relation to my S, now the house may be back in play?? The earth has just shifted, again. Does it ever end guys???
Or is this all part of the rollercoaster? How can I step off when it's these practical concerns?? Her mom and dad have never liked me (btw, it's not just me, they have serious issues with pretty much everyone -- both sides of their family -they don't speak to---and they have few friends. It's pretty much W, her parents and her sibling -- period. So it's not unique to me) So her mom and dad are likely talking W into making some potentially rash decisions. They've always been way too involved in our R. should have been a sign....W has always told MIL too much private info. and it always gets used against W or me or both eventually.
Unfortunately sometimes you can't get off the rollercoaster. I'm a huge coaster fan (the real ones not the emotional ones). Almost every rollercoaster has low point. If you can't get off, that's when you try and make your decisions.
Sometimes we just have to deal with out sitch and move it forward or risk losing more.
P.S. Who cares what parents do. To be fair, I'm sure you have plenty of people in your corner who are trying to convince you to drop your w like a bad habit. You can't control them nor can you control if your wife chooses to believe it. The only thing you do is continue to be the best shock possible. That seems to be best way to combat the negatives.
(((( ))))))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
