Wife left

[workinghardguy]

I didn't give her a "have a nice day" like I had been, and as usual, didn't get one from her

No need to give her a have a nice day... I stopped doing that a while ago unless W gives me some type of salutation first. This morning she left for work and stopped to tell me that she was leaving and what time she thought she'd be home. I replied "ok, see you later". It's sort of pathetic really to offer something when you know she doesn't care, so stop doing it. It just makes you look weak and pleading. Don't plead. Save your energy for people who give a damn.

she makes sure to leave it for me to clean when I get home, and she leaves the bed a mess for me (which I make sure is made everytime)

A little tough love here... why the heck are you making her side of the bed? It's a bed. So it's a mess... the world is not going to end. Make your side, straighten up your side, but if she's going to leave her side a mess then it stays a mess. My W does this routinely and I just leave her side unmade - I'm not her manservant after all. Maybe it's just that our bed is really large (California King), but you couldn't pay me enough to make her bed right now.

As far as the messes. I would either leave them or engage your S to help pick them up. There is no reason you should be the housekeeper solo. Eventually she will pick up the mess, or she won't, but fight the need.

I've basically pulled back most domestic duties to only those things we agreed I would do or that I want to do. The only times I do stuff the W is supposed to be doing is when the lack of it getting done would have an adverse impact on the kids. For example, whomever picks the kids up from school is responsible for reviewing homework, signing notebooks, and checking S's backpack. Since my W only manages to do that 50% of the time, I always make sure to double-check her when I get home. My W is selfish and forgetful lately so it's easy for her to miss those things. While I would love for her to have to face the children after failing to do her duty, the reality is the only person this hurts is the kids and their grades so I just make sure it gets done.

Otherwise... it's up to her. There's four baskets of folded laundry sitting across the room right now. She took laundry over shortly after the bomb. Kids and I are pretty much out of clothes. But I'm not putting them away. She didn't ask me to and I already folded two of the baskets since she did ask me to. So in the morning we'll just dig through the baskets to pull out our clothes. She'll get them put away eventually... I just have to fight the urge and bite my tongue in the meantime.