Good explanation sa. The way I figure is there is 2 reasons things hit such a nerve. They are too true, or completely false. Either way, the best way to handle is usually to ignore.
Example 1 - my H told me I drove him into debt because I fed the horses too much. $15 bag of grain adds up but not as fast as rent on a secret house, or buying things for the secret house, or new trucks, or hunting trips and vacations. It hit a nerve with me but it was a nerve of disbelief. How could he possibly blame me for his debt when I was the only one that was responsible and paid bills?
Example 2 - one year I waited for my H to arrange to get the cows bred, he delayed and delayed. I finally made the arrangements and took care of it, although we were 2 months late in breeding. H SCREAMED at me "you always have to rush in and save the day". That hit a nerve, and made me rock back and think about how I handled things. Even now, I do not rush in to 'fix' all of H's problems.
You learned of something that your H is saying (or his ex is saying he is saying), but most likely there is a whole lot more being said and rumors spread that you don't hear. When someone is so kind as to inform you about the lies, consider the source, smile, and know the truth will eventually be known when it matters.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
