Yes, Sandi2, she does work outside the home, part-time--so she is home with the children about half of each work day. Some of the chores that I am doing I am handling when my W is out of the house or asleep at night. Others are shared: I will be working on one chore and she will be working on another (admittedly, the way it should have been all along). I appreciate the advice, I have pulled back somewhat in this area over the last few days because it felt like I was killing myself to show how much "I get it."
The clutter issue is/was this for me: when in doubt, keep it. Like you, my W HATES all the junk (she has "jokingly" referred to me as a hoarder in the past). Since the S, I have been working overtime to get rid of stuff; unless it is essential, it goes. I know my W has noticed because she has said so. While I am continuing to work my tail off in this area, I no longer show her my efforts or ask her to notice. I just bag the stuff up and ready it for the curb. When she comments on it, I say that it has needed to be done and I don't want the stuff around the house.
I think your comments about resentment are dead-on. There are times when I can see in her eyes the exact feelings you described ("Why now?" and "It's too late."). Your comments about my disappointment are also accurate; I admit that I want her to notice the change in me these efforts demonstrate; but, I also know that its very freeing personally to toss all the junk so I am doing it for myself as well.
Somewhat related to this topic, we were to undertake a home renovation this fall. We agreed to put it off during the S. Since discovering DB, I have not mentioned it (but I did talk about it with her when I was pursuing--to no avail). Our house really needs updating and the project is a phone call away and I want to let my W know how much I want to do the project now (rather than felt like she was pushing it) but I am not sure that would be beneficial at this point because with her being a WAW, she does not imagine a future for us so I am guessing that talking about the project would push her away. She made a comment this morning about a house problem that the renovation would fix. I did not respond other than to say that I agreed that the situation was a problem. What I wanted to say was, let's do the renovation and get it fixed. Any suggestions?
We have a calendar; I simply forgot to check it. My fault.
I suspect my W's C is not on my side. They are meeting weekly. Any suggestions other than to roll with the punches?
Final thought for now: last night my W said we could watch a movie together. We watched for a while until she fell asleep. A few minutes before falling asleep she told me that she wanted to talk about "some issues" the next day with me (today). I have no idea what she meant. She did not say it negatively or positively. It could be ideas about the holidays and the children. It could be something about the M or S. Thus far today, she has not mentioned it and against every instinct in my body, neither have I. If she does not bring it up today, should I or should I just let it go?
