I will be calling the therapist tomorrow to make the first contact.
This past week developments have been--interesting. The other guy I believe has left town, to deal with his own family/divorce thing I would guess. I don't know for sure, but wife has now been staying in the house steadily for the past week, including sleeping on the couch every night.
I've been working on myself, staying away from nagging, and we've been getting along well. The 500 pound elephant in the room is what's going to happen with us. I don't know if she's still with the guy and it's turned into a distance thing, but I think she still has the attitude that we have too many problems. I'm hoping the therapist will bring that out of both of us. I'm concerned that she's been going through some level of depression, both now and leading up to the infidelity, and that I wasn't smart enough to notice it.
She is now unemployed, seeking jobs that are below her skill set and additional temp jobs. She's not a person to stay at home, so it's going to be tough on her.
Friday I was out of the house for most of the day, shopping and staying at a friends to make progress on the books suggested above. I came back Friday evening and son was playing video games as always at the kitchen table on his laptop, and wife wasn't anywhere to be found. She arrived home shortly afterwards after hitting the gym and doing a quick grocery run. She offered to make hamburgers for dinner, which I accepted. After we ate, I offered to do a pay-per-view movie, a comedy, which she enjoyed. My one stipulation on the movie was that neither of us could sit there with our laptops, a habit we both have when we should be doing things together. She agreed, but had to do "one quick email" which I presume is the other guy.
I enjoyed the movie, we sat on the couch next to each other. I didn't touch her, but my gosh it was almost more than I could handle, I so wanted to cuddle up with her. I kept my slight distance, and enjoyed the movie. She wasn't feeling well (cold or slight depression, I can't tell) so I suggested after the movie that son go to bed and me do the same. I went upstairs, she stayed on the couch.
Saturday I woke up before her, which is very very strange. I crept downstairs and got my breakfast, did a little reading, and then went back downstairs to get my gear and head to the gym. She had awoken, and looked a a little unwell. I expressed my concern, but not acting needy or overbearing. I headed to the gym for a 2 hour workout. I got home and she had been cooking--she takes up cooking whenever she is bored and she's been steadily making cookies, brownies, etc. for the past few days. She's taken to cleaning up more than she ever has, and I've absolutely done nothing to criticize her cleaning like my bad habit of the past--this simply isn't as important as us coming together. Saturday afternoon I spent the day away with family then came home, ordered pizza to share with son (she doesn't eat pizza due to food allergies) and we watched several of our old TV shows on the Tivo. I sat sideways next to her on the couch and she even playfully tickled one of my feet. I'm very confused about this, again I played it cool. Part of me wonders if I'm just being played so she has a place to be until her next job offer comes.
Today she headed out to see her best friend for breakfast, a thing she's done for years. I encouraged her to go--she needs to see her friends for sure. We had some talk about me calling the therapist tomorrow. She's in, but I am so concerned that she's going to feel like I'm attacking her by taking her to someone who is a marriage therapist. I think we both need help that a 3rd party could assist with. I don't know. I get mixed signals from her, and I think she's confused as well. I think she will go back to the infidelity and say it's not a repairable thing, because her first husband did that to her and she never got over it. I don't think so, but again we get back to her thinking and seeing me as the person she once loved.
I'm still working on me, still being strong, and following the DB and especially DR books. I believe we can get through this, but I can't push it on her.
So here I am, probably too hopeful at this point. I'm probably going too fast, setting myself up for too much pain, but again if she gets a job offer in another state she'll be off, and I want to be there to help her meet her dreams. I really screwed that part up this past summer, and I pray that it can work out for us.
