Actually, I'm not a "religious" person per se and I don't disagree with those who are. I go for the sense of community. I don't know what I believe and it seems to change all the time. Still sorting out myself. ....and if what we've all been through on this board isn't a form of hell, I don't know what is!
Wanted to tell you I like your style and the way you are handling things. When I was where you are I used to imagine H living with ow. We are avid non-smokers, but she smoked about 2 packs a day. She once bragged that she downed a 12 pack in one night. H said she had nothing but beer in her fridge. Lots more, but I imagined the two of them in her scuzzy apartment, smoke filled, both drinking beer and she is on the computer playing WOW and my H in a chair with the clicker....Yeah, that would have lasted. The ow in your life doesn't sound any more of a prize then the one who was in mine.
MZ
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
MZ thanks so much for the kind words. And yes... she smokes 2 packs a day too. Doesn't drink, but makes up for it by being an utter nutter. Can you imagine a 58 yr old man who's never lived with kids... now having to interact and play "family" with 4 kids from 4 to 13,... and a 2 and a half year old that's his. The first time the 3 older brothers pick on HIS daughter, he's going to lose his mind. *smile*
We're both ex smokers. We both have definite beliefs on how children should be raised. Her, she's already been reported for wacking on one of her sons with a plastic stick.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
He asked me out for breakfast again this morning. Was nice. A nice surprise.
In the GAL part...Yesterday, I was out most of the afternoon, he came home I guess while I was gone. (didn't tell him where I was going)...and it again reminded me of how much he HATES being alone. He couldn't stay in the house by himself. He had come home, realized I wasn't here, put firewood in the stove and then headed out to a client's house to make sure her winter taps were properly shut off. Meanwhile, I was at my main support system, my sis in law's... what surprised me most is that I got an earful of what his own brother thinks of him. This man usually stays completely out of everything. His words about his own brother: F'g moron. Wow.
Last night, watched the hockey games, and when I'd lean the other direction (still sitting beside him - at his request after the fight)... he'd reach his hand out and put his hand on my leg.
He also likes his back scratched and I have a cool horse type brush that makes for a good back scratcher. Since touch is something that can make a bond without the other person even realizing it... and he "lets" me... I spent an hour scratching his back, massaging his neck etc.
When he went out for his walk, he grabs me, hugs me, and "did the eyes" thing, and said, I love you. Smiled and left.
Came to bed, put his hand on my arm. And we woke up this morning, he turned, to face me, and he slips his hand into mine and smiled.
I know it's a baby step forward and this week, the parasite will put her charm on full on. Since I've played one of my trump cards (the visit)... now, I just be nice and start doing more of the 180s and not being too forthcoming with where-abouts.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Last night, watched the hockey games, and when I'd lean the other direction (still sitting beside him - at his request after the fight)... he'd reach his hand out and put his hand on my leg.
He also likes his back scratched and I have a cool horse type brush that makes for a good back scratcher. Since touch is something that can make a bond without the other person even realizing it... and he "lets" me... I spent an hour scratching his back, massaging his neck etc.
Got a single girlfriend you can go out dancing with? The idea of you out dancing with other men is likely to make your H stop and think for a second...
I found out the parasite has taken a new job where she'll be occupied all day, but her evening will be "open" for them to play house.
Again, since I can't get out of here yet and let this thing run it's bloody course... I'm going to get a lot of lies about where he is blah blah. I'm just going to stay REALLY busy with work and not care. (It's part of my 180s.)
Let them play house. Maybe she'll flip out and he'll have to stop her from wacking on one of her kids. Right know he's got Madonna syndrome... Time for some reality.
Mean time, I'll be working, going to join a separation support group that goes out to dinner and I'm going to rejoin a band. (I sing, play guitar and keys.) Time for me to get busy.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Physically aggressive behavior. Dangerous driving. 65 text messages in like 4 hours. 30 voice mail messages within the same time frame. Lies, manipulates, threatens, cries, throws tantrums.
Initially - This cow purposely told my H lies about me, in order to move into my spot. SHE purposely said she knew for sure I was having an affair because she had seen the guy and I kissing. (NEVER HAPPENED - which at least now, H has admitted completely he knows it did not happen.)
When H tried to break off with her the first time back in 2008, she claimed she was preg. Unfortunately she did get preg, but then when they had a big fight, she lied and told him that she got rid of it. And screwed around with his emotions for 2 weeks before telling him the truth.
She has had more diseases and ailments than all the patients on the tv show House, put together. She cries poverty, overwork, over stress, claims her wacko behavior was/is all because of hormones.
Screams, yells, swears, ran into my H's SUV with her minivan. Chased him in a high speed chase down the freeway in the middle of the night. Parked herself in our driveway, and threw cups of coffee at him when he returned. She's kicked his car door. Thrown numerous other items at him at the bar he bought. Wanted to have their child in our bathtub. (it's a large two person spa type tub.)
When he broke it off with her - she claimed she was at the hospital having a miscarriage. Twice. Claimed that he was beating her up and that she actually owned his house and lived here, when he called the cops.
Phoned and told her 10 year old daughter that she wasn't coming home and that she was going to go kill herself. H played me the same message.
She later left voice messages that she would leave all her children and only wanted to be with him and their new child.
Told my H that after the child was born, that she had had a P test and her H was in fact the father.
Was going to kill me with a hammer.
I could go on and on. Certifiable NUT JOB.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
I know about this. H's prize nutjob staged a crime against herself, took pictures of it, showed him, said she reported it to the police, and told him I did t. THANK GOD that is when he woke up.
I knew my H for 5 years....FIVE YEARS.... as friends. He dated one of my best friends, so I really know him and he really knows me. He was a good soul. I don't know how these wack-job excuses of a female soul even get their claws into men who seem so good.
We are in piecing now, but I still can't get my head around it.
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
MZ, I mentioned the book When Good People Have Affairs in my last posting on my sitch. The basic premise is that most people in affairs are good people, they just fell into a bad situation because they were missing or perceived they were missing something from their marriage.
I think a huge sign your husband is a good person is that he woke up. I'm glad you are piecing things back together! That makes me feel hopeful. Good luck to you!
M 44, H 46 D11, D9, D5 Married 12 years PA confirmed 9/2011 I filed 3/2012 H moved out 7/2012
