Wife just told me doesn't want to be married

[adinva]

That's good advice. I think it's the disappointment of hoping that your friends would agree the D is wrong, the S is doing a horrible thing, and you're the injured party and you're doing an admirable job fighting for the right thing.

And what you get instead is "bummer, well you can't help it, move on." And you get the implication that they'll never understand both sides, it takes two, there's probably fault on your side.

I started out feeling ashamed, humiliated, like I had a scarlet letter or something. This has turned out to be a much slower and longer process than I thought and I've told/talked to as few people as possible. No one in my neighborhood knows yet, my kids and parents don't know, and only my friends/family who are discreet and supportive know. I use this message board and my therapist to get out all the anger and hurt and return to more productive activities.

Bottom line is only you know what is right for you, and you need to pick and choose your support so that it helps you meet the goals you chose. You can't control what others think or say so stop worrying about it. Or try to anyway.