While at a party last night a friend of mine who happens to be related to H, told me that she saw H's XW. The XW has supposedly been talking frequently to H, via FB (She is not the ow)
Apparently the topic came up as to why H hasn't proceeded with the D since he filed last Dec.
His answer, according to XW, was because I had put him so far in debt he could not afford to D me. This is NOT true. During our M, most of our debt was kept separate. When H left I took steps to take care of my debt. Granted, I could have saddled H with half of it, but that was something I would not do. My debt now consists of me putting in a much needed boiler in my house.
I'm holding off sending H an email slamming him for his lies until I get opinions. The truth is that when H found out how much it was going to cost in C/S and spousal support he stopped pursuing the D.
He has been paying C/S right along, but it is not as much as he should be paying. In Feb, of this year he started paying the utilities on my place after not helping out for over a year with anything. This was his choice and not something I asked of him. He definitely does not want to pay spousal support.
I'm very upset by what he has chosen to say. It's like being betrayed all over again. I've worked very hard to step up and take care of things, leaving H alone to travel his path.
This is the email I'd like to send him:
Can I ask why you are telling people that the reason you haven't proceeded with the divorce is because I ran up so much debt that you can't afford to? You left, you filed. You got the life you wanted. Why must you continue to blame me and spread lies? I asked for none of this and I don't deserve the things you have been saying.
I'm done. I'll take on half of the debt he accrued during the M, but do not want to have to pay for his truck and motorcycle that he acquired since he left, nor the expensive gifts he's given and vacations he's gone on with ow. I'm willing to let him keep them even though he spent marital assets in getting them. I'm going to ask him to send a list of his proposals to his L to send to mine. I'll agree to what my L deems OK and let the judge figure out the rest.
I must add that H has taken a 'promotion' at work. He is now considered an engineer. Along with this promotion comes a pay cut because he is considered management and is no longer paid for his OT like he used to be as an electrician. So, his base salary is more but his paycheck is less. I figure his game plan with this is so he doesn't have to pay out as much in C/S and spousal support. My L told me that many have tried something like this and were in for a shock because he said they will go back to years past to prove the kind of income he had versus what he now gets.
I want to point out that I'm not about taking him to the cleaners. The kids and I are living on a fourth of what H and I were making before he left. When the D goes through it will be well less than half of what we lived on with H present. This isn't even forever for him. Just a few more years for D19 while she attends college. C/S will be a while more for D13 and spousal support will last for 9 years for me. Then he's done.
What do you all think of the email I'd like to send? PS - I'd say it to him face to face, but he refuses to see me one on one.
