Confronted spouse...now he wont come home

[Nblost]

Quick update...Thanksgiving went okay. H and his parents were there and we acted like we were a happy couple and happy family. That night, H woke me up in the middle of the night saying "I want you" and we had one of our romantic interludes. He then held me the rest of the night and was "nice" on Friday too.

However, late Friday night, we were in the hot tub and H started teasing me about making plans for tonight. I had had a few glasses of wine and I said I didn't appreciate his teasing. I can't make last minute plans very easily because I am not dating like him...going out for dinner...having sleepovers...no kids, etc. I walked away. H then acted nonchalant a few minutes later and I said it really bothered me how he doesn't feel bad about his affair. He basically just went upstairs to our D8's bed (she was having nightmares) and slept there. On his way up, I said, "I'm glad you are taking care of the kids for once"

This morning, I felt bad and went up to D8's bed and H gave me a hug. I said I was sorry and he said I don't have to be sorry for anything. I said I had too much wine and shouldn't have vented at him.

At this point, you'd all probably say, "no worries Nblost, we all slip up sometimes". No, I continued today after we went on a run together. I asked if I should just assume his A is continuing as usual. H said it was. He really likes the OW. He said they don't talk about the future, but he really likes her. As we talked, he said he just feels like we are too different and it's too late. He also doesn't think marriage should be work if the two people are right for each other. Somehow, we then got into his plans for December and I asked if he and OW had any vacations planned. They do. He didn't want to tell me where, but they are going away for the weekend on December 9.

I told him that it seems like he is really happy and I love him enough to let him go. I want him to be happy. I said we should plan to separate after the holidays. He agreed.

I then broke down a few minutes later and told him that I still loved him and this all hurts a lot. I'm willing to listen about his vacation, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me. He then said, "I love you too" and gave me a hug.

He was probably just saying that. We'll have through tomorrow together as a family then he goes back to MN.

I am tempted to talk to him a little more tonight...in a way, I don't feel like I have much to lose. He still isn't saying he wants a separation or divorce, but I will be comfortable separating given how he is treating me.

This is all painful...and H says it is hard for him too. But, he isn't showing me any real signs of that.

I know I varied from the LRT, but I hadn't had any R talk with him in about 3 weeks and I think I was starting to get my hopes up. Now, I know he's still very into OW. She is clearly his priority.

I am getting back to a better mindset again, just talked to a friend and am venting here.

M: 12
H: 45, Me: 43
D10, D8, D4
Affair started 8/11
H still in house