Need HOPE & Advice

[Coyote]

"I believe that she is planning a small welcome home party for me- Is this an olive branch..."

It's an olive branch. If she follows through with the party, cool. Be appreciative, spend time with her, talk to her but try not to get 'too' excited or clingy with her. Don't want to spook her. As you've heard before, let her initiate 'R' talks. Let her set the pace for this kind of thing.

"...or do you think that she simply thinks that we can get divorced & then hang out n be best buddies?"

Sometimes, probably. Then, often, she remembers the good times with you. Pines about it then gets confused. Maybe even says something weird after...(Sigh) Water off a duck's back...

For now, be her friend. Let her know you're harmless, someone she can get close to, can be trusted and not something to run away from. Pique her interest. Leave the, 'we can get divorced & then hang out n be best buddies' for later. (Strangely, this one's pretty common. I heard it myself. Redirect discussion on this. You know that if either of you were with someone else there would be no 'we.' Talking about this with her would probably cheese you off and there goes the little party...)

" interacting with her like she was a close co-worker or friend, no R talk at all. R topic hasn’t come up since shortly after the D bomb was dropped- "

This is good actually! Keep it up. Let her bring the D bomb up. If she does, then, 'If this is what you really want then I won't hold you back. I would prefer to work this through with you. You can be a great person. I enjoy spending my time with you, especially when we're working together as a team. But if you feel you need to go your own way in life then again, I won't hold you back.'

"Someone suggested that I be pro-active and bring up the D subject & ask how soon it could get accomplished, to show her that I’m anxious to move on..."

Bad advice. Need I say anything on this? Ok, I will anyway.

She's in 'run' mode. Yes, you have things to work on in the M, sure. Listen to what she has to say. Especially if it rings a bell, 'Hmm, maybe she's right. Guess I could have done that better.' Yup, keep working and sorting this stuff through.

However, she's also running from herself as much as, if not more than she's running from you. Unfortunately, an S is usually the first target of a running S's frustration. Don't escalate this war. A running spouse will take it to the next level, trust me.

To show that you're anxious to move on with a full and interesting life (not necessarily away from her) keep active, improve things that make a difference, for both you and/or herself. Let go of things that hold you back. Be proactive even, just not in the way that you were advised.

"What do the DB Veterans think about inviting her to yoga some night?"

I say, why not!