Learning from the pain....hard lessons

[Rick1963]

((((JS))) how are you. Don't stay away too long. Let us know how you are doing we miss you.

[In_Shock]

Hey, I wanted to check in and let you all know I'm still around

I'm STILL without a cell phone, and still feel pretty disconnected -- but in some ways it's peaceful --- no wondering why W doesn't call and no temptation to text. I HAVE to get a new phone soon though..... just putting it off.

(((( Rick)))) U are always so wonderful to check on my sitch.

I've been busier than ever lately -- it's almost the end of the semester and between my classes I teach and take, I'm pretty overwhelmed at this point every semester. Writing, reading, grading, etc..... I love it even though it wears me out and even though it was part of the problem that led me to this place with W.....I can't help but love what I do. It's one thing I know for sure I'm good at.

Thanksgiving was difficult. W took S to her parents' as usual. The first time in 13 years I went to my family's alone-- well, I took my mom, but you know what I mean. I did get to hang out with a niece and a nephew I rarely see, and I enjoyed that.

Will post more soon-- and will read up on all my buddies' posts---> but have a couple of rough deadlines to meet. I hope everyone is well --- and I am thinking about SO many of you. JB and ROMB--((((())))) and hey to 25. I read your last posts. YOu are as always, right on.....I have more to say on that --- but...I haven't messed up since that last time. I have completely stopped hugs and any of that....

baby steps. I'm improving myself....constantly and consistently...

[In_Shock]

And thanks to Gunny, Paige and WHG --- Thanks SO much for checking in. I'm working on it.... We'll all make it through. I'm certain we will be better off in the end. Certain.

[paige40]

Glad to see you! Sounds like you are in a better place! Come back soon.

[Rick1963]

Wait a minute IS. My law professor told us that he would throw our papers over his head and the ones that landed closer to the end of the stairs would get an A. Isn't that how all papers are grade? Think I got screwed in school.

[In_Shock]

LOL @ Rick. Hey, now there's a time saver!! Here i've been wasting all these hours actually reading the things....:)

[jbnati]

IS, glad to see you out here again! I figured you've been pretty busy. Either that, or you were going dark on us.

I think many of us can resemble the remark of Thanksgiving being a little tough and different.

((()))

[In_Shock]

nah, i never go dark on this mb -- or my friends () i just get busy and overwhelmed with work/school stuff. And I try to spend all the time i can with S. We actually (W and I) took him to see Arthur Christmas last night. Tense tense tense....but S was SO excited that we were all going together. I don't think W notices how much he loves that.

Journaling:

Today she initiated deep talk again -- I tried to validate and keep calm until I got this weird curve ball thing. She says it's asking too much for us to be anythign other than 'cordial' at this point (she says we've NEVER been friends....ok.. guess I missed that part of the R) That's not the curve ball -- that's coming....that rewriting history, I can accept that. WAS do that all the time.

But anyway, I validated and kept out of any disagreement. Then she said her anger at me had to do with a lot of things --- the fact that I've never 'listened' to her...which I know. But then the curve ball --- she says she's angry b/c I've 'dug my feet in' here at home. WHAT?? (i've lived here as long as she has) The last I heard she told me clearly she was moving out and that she couldn't afford to keep the house alone. I can, and thought that was how it was going to go. She said, "I can't afford the payment the way it is now." Hmmmm...I know a few months back she tried to refinance without telling me....and was not able to. Wonder if she's going to try that again??? Or if it would work?

NOW I'm scared because if you recall, the house is in HER NAME---even though i've paid half the mortgage for the 6 years...etc.. She was a first time home buyer, and it was cheaper to keep me off the loan and no downpayment. BIG MISTAKE BIG MISTAKE HORRIBLE MISTAKE. I know. Same as the adoption thing. Live and learn type of bs. We had been together for 7 years when we bought the house....by that time I guess I was in total trust mode. (never again I'm afraid with anyone....I'm sure, JB, several others resemble that remark as well...LOL)

I am now terrified she's going to pull some weird thing on me and kick me out or something. My L had to reschedule consultation due to something or other last week, but I've got an appt on Friday at 4 this week. I also have an appointment at 3 pm with lender to see how much I can qualify for. If for some reason W is going to be nasty...(which I don't understand considering this whole damn thing is her decision!) I need to also be prepared to purchase my own place if necessary. I just don't want to move. (i know, whine, wahhh, cry me a river...) Just ruminating. I'm a natural depressive

Good grief. My stress level has shot through the roof today~!! Not only do I have to worry about shady things in relation to my S, now the house may be back in play?? The earth has just shifted, again. Does it ever end guys???

Or is this all part of the rollercoaster? How can I step off when it's these practical concerns?? Her mom and dad have never liked me (btw, it's not just me, they have serious issues with pretty much everyone -- both sides of their family -they don't speak to---and they have few friends. It's pretty much W, her parents and her sibling -- period. So it's not unique to me) So her mom and dad are likely talking W into making some potentially rash decisions. They've always been way too involved in our R. should have been a sign....W has always told MIL too much private info. and it always gets used against W or me or both eventually.

[workinghardguy]

IS... this is where you should check with a lawyer. W and I did the same thing re: house purchase. Our house is in her name. I did some checking, and at least in my state, the house is marital property. She can't kick me out without a court order and barring violence no court will issue that order. Also, should we sell I get 50% of the equity from the time we married onward. Since we bought it in March 2006 and married in September 2006 I pretty much get 50% of any equity.

Talk with a L.

[In_Shock]

thanks WHG. That's def at the top of my L list for Friday. How you can live with someone for 13 years and have them do these things so callously is beyond me. That's where much of my pain comes from -- as well as my mb name : In_shock --- I still am, daily for different reasons.