Rough Thanksgiving. Had to pick up my son from her new place and take him over to friends and then bring him right back. Talked to my sister on the way home and she just kept telling me "She isn't coming back!". That conversation didn't end well. How do you handle family members that are "there"? They think they are being helpful - are they?? I am doing all I can to keep the hope alive that my family will be back together someday and I know that failure is a possibility - it just doesn't do me much good to have it pounded into me by a family member.
Crimson, Sorry you had a rough Thanksgiving. MDW talks about how family and friends don't want to see you continue to hurt, and let's be honest - hoping can be hurtful, so their thoughts and opinions are most likely are going to be biased.
That being said, I think it's important to have a physical support structure vs just this mb. My friends and family are biased... but they also love me. They let me make my mistakes and they understand that I'm not ready to give up yet... even if it hurts.
But at the same time, I learned how to use their biased feelings to help me get stronger.
For example.. I really wanted to text my wife "Happy Thanksgiving" (I really struggle with the fact we don't really speak to each other any more) but I needed to not say anything because I am committed to changing my dynamic with her. I may not save my m but I'm done contributing to the old m.
I reached out to a friend and he told me not to text her. His reasoning had nothing to do with DBing.. but I knew he would be a great person to support me with this... even if our reasons were different.
You can figure out how your friends/family CAN help.. but you can also set up some boundaries as well. The combination of the two really works well for me.
Hang in there.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
