Forward, slow as she goes

[BeingMe]

Beatrice, it's funny, but my friend was saying the same thing ... he supports us well, and I am grateful. But, you know, I would live in a shack with him, if he truly loved me, and TRIED. I won't say I am depressed, just a tad cynical about my H. I know it'll work out one way or another, and I can feel there is something building up. I feel he is hiding something, and it will be revealed in his own good time ... since discussing anything with me on a continuous basis would be ridiculous. I suspect in the new year. H is very fulfilled in his career ... I think his career is the love of his life.

You have no idea how much I have changed my attitude, but I can understand why you would think that I haven't. 180 is my middle name now. Before, if he said something mean, or acted harshly, I would immediately defend myself, but now I just walk away. And, I find the dancing helps me. I dance for exercise too, with the Wii machine.

This is where I vent, so that I can have a good attitude at home. If I couldn't vent here and share my thoughts (which I don't do with many people), I would go crazy, but I do appreciate the 2x4 from Beatrice. We have been at this for a long time, and now, finally he has told me that it was a mistake for us to have tried again, and that he doesn't love me. As if I didn't know that already.

I am actually done with the M ... I feel happier when he is away. I just have to work up to the point of legalizing everything. He is rarely at home, often on the other side of the country, or overseas. In the last five weeks, he's been home for one week. When he is here, he's working. So, I have no idea how we are going to find the time to get down to the point of doing the work of getting a divorce.

PS My previous post was tongue in cheek, but I do feel the whole Christmas season is a materialistic commercial gimmick. I do still buy gifts and take part (gives people jobs), but that's just how I have come to feel. I will dance, and sing, and write, and laugh, and be my best self, and sometimes that means feeling a little sad, but it doesn't last long.