Man, im a mess this morning...dreading going to the house, shakey and having a hard time catching my breath...im always like this before i have to spend any time with him and he is sooo calm, which makes it worse.
I understand this all over. I was an emotional wreck for a long time, and I can't say that I'm 100% better, either. Any time I would have any contact with my W, my heart would pound and my breath would catch in my throat. It gets easier with time and detachment. Right now, just let yourself feel what you feel. You'll get better when it's time.
Also, I hear the bit about your H being insanely calm. My W was beside herself with guilt and inner struggle during the first week of her A, but after a while, she became weirdly calm, cold, and cruel to me. I read this as a defense mechanism. It's easier for them to deal with their own pain about the matter.
