Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[workinghardguy]

Journaling... good day. The morning is already above so no need to rehash. However, as I was heading to get my S my lack of any GAL today was bothering me. Partly because it meant being in the house with W, but partly because it just bothered me. And that's a change in me... not having something to do rarely bothered me enough to actually do something about it, or I just have more drive to do stuff.

So I realized en route to get my S that this evening was the city holiday parade and lighting ceremony for the big park Christmas light thing. I was one of the volunteers (1 of 3,000 but still 1) who put up some lights and my S even helped me decorate a tree in the park, so I thought why shouldn't we go? But it was five hours away and W had wanted to see S when she got up from her nap. Well, she could've come along, she could've not gone out, she had all sorts of chances to see our S so I texted her and said we'd be home later than planned we were doing the parade.

She texted back ok and that she would wait to go out tonight until we got home and she could see S a little bit at least. Then a little later she texted to me to tell me she was laying down for her nap and "You boys have fun". So S and I hung out all day and had a great time. Did a little XMas shopping, went and saw Santa at the mall, had lunch, went to the parade, and then went to the lighting ceremony. It was neat that the ceremony was opened up by the local boys choir which I didn't even know existed! S loves to sing and he was enamored watching the choir. In 18 months he'll be old enough so that was filed away for future use. We even took those funny photos you do in the mall photo booths We just had a really great time together today and I am so glad that we did it. In the past my a) lack of energy to do stuff and b) my fear of angering my W would've meant a boring day of nothing.

We got home and W hung out with us for about an hour before going out. S told her all about the day and how great it was She started the convos with me and told me about her day. One funny moment came when she was watching TV with S. Iron Man was on and I came in the room and started watching it. Out of the blue my W and I out loud said, "I really love this movie" at the exact same time We had an awkward laugh after that until my S told W she was now jinxed and couldn't talk until I released her

One thing I did notice today is that my own level of PMA seems to be inversely proportional to the level of pissiness directed at my by my W. When she is particularly cold and harsh I have tons of PMA and independence. When she is warmer and things don't seem so bad my PMA drops and I my "lead my own life" mantras weaken. It's like a Catch-22... the house is easier to live in when she's not all cold/bitchy but my resolve is less, but my resolve is great when the house suxx to live in. Something I definitely have to work on.