Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[Rick1963]

WHG how is it that you know so many details about your Ws day and what she is drinking and with whom? Focus on you and the kids that is it. You mean mean nada to her. So live your life otherwise u will feel that you have lost time away from life. Maybe I am wrong but you spend too much time on the computer. Get outside and have fun. I am pulling for you

[workinghardguy]

Journaling... good day. The morning is already above so no need to rehash. However, as I was heading to get my S my lack of any GAL today was bothering me. Partly because it meant being in the house with W, but partly because it just bothered me. And that's a change in me... not having something to do rarely bothered me enough to actually do something about it, or I just have more drive to do stuff.

So I realized en route to get my S that this evening was the city holiday parade and lighting ceremony for the big park Christmas light thing. I was one of the volunteers (1 of 3,000 but still 1) who put up some lights and my S even helped me decorate a tree in the park, so I thought why shouldn't we go? But it was five hours away and W had wanted to see S when she got up from her nap. Well, she could've come along, she could've not gone out, she had all sorts of chances to see our S so I texted her and said we'd be home later than planned we were doing the parade.

She texted back ok and that she would wait to go out tonight until we got home and she could see S a little bit at least. Then a little later she texted to me to tell me she was laying down for her nap and "You boys have fun". So S and I hung out all day and had a great time. Did a little XMas shopping, went and saw Santa at the mall, had lunch, went to the parade, and then went to the lighting ceremony. It was neat that the ceremony was opened up by the local boys choir which I didn't even know existed! S loves to sing and he was enamored watching the choir. In 18 months he'll be old enough so that was filed away for future use. We even took those funny photos you do in the mall photo booths We just had a really great time together today and I am so glad that we did it. In the past my a) lack of energy to do stuff and b) my fear of angering my W would've meant a boring day of nothing.

We got home and W hung out with us for about an hour before going out. S told her all about the day and how great it was She started the convos with me and told me about her day. One funny moment came when she was watching TV with S. Iron Man was on and I came in the room and started watching it. Out of the blue my W and I out loud said, "I really love this movie" at the exact same time We had an awkward laugh after that until my S told W she was now jinxed and couldn't talk until I released her

One thing I did notice today is that my own level of PMA seems to be inversely proportional to the level of pissiness directed at my by my W. When she is particularly cold and harsh I have tons of PMA and independence. When she is warmer and things don't seem so bad my PMA drops and I my "lead my own life" mantras weaken. It's like a Catch-22... the house is easier to live in when she's not all cold/bitchy but my resolve is less, but my resolve is great when the house suxx to live in. Something I definitely have to work on.

[workinghardguy]

WHG how is it that you know so many details about your Ws day and what she is drinking and with whom?

Because she tells me... why does she tell me? I have no clue, but she does. She tells me where she's going, usually who with, and generally what they're going to do. I don't approve or disapprove because I don't care. Yes I have an opinion on the value of some of it, but that's different than expressing whether she should go or not. And it's her life, so do what you want.

We communicate frequently and on good terms. In this way my sitch is quite a bit unlike others. Yes, she has streaks of being cold and withdrawn, but they usually pass in a 2-4 day timeframe. When they pass we end up back to our status quo. She even tells me stories from her nights out and goings on. I'm sure not everything, probably not even half, but why she does it is beyond me. And it's not done in a snotty or obnoxious way... like, "see what I'm doing and you're not doing it with me". It feels like roommates catching each other up on goings on in life that are amusing or interesting. And over the past eight years I have gotten to know many of my W's friends, done them favors, consider them friends of mine as well so I know the cast of characters.

And oddly I don't share with her much of my life. I leave my GAL and goings-on in mystery. She asks once in a while and I will share some info.

As far as the computer thing... I'm not on as much as it may seem. I type very fast and can pound out even a long post in a short time. By the time I'm done with this post it will be maybe five minutes I'm online. Also, I have an iPad and so places I have down time when kid-less or after everyone is in bed (which is about 9pm in my house) and I have an hour or two before bedtime. Though at work I am probably on too much... I work at a computer most days so I know I need to reduce that. It's actually one of my goals next week... to only come on here once or twice during a work day.

[workinghardguy]

For the record... "Up" is a crappy movie to watch when you're in the sh!t like we all are... I've seen a couple movies that make me think, "really?" but I think Up takes the prize, especially the opening.

[workinghardguy]

Everything has an up and down these days... had a little time before I had to pick up my S from my mom's so I stopped at the store to try on some jeans. I've been curious what size I am. The last time I bought pants was in May and at that time a 42 fit comfortably and a 40 fit tight but was ok with elastic waist.

Today I put on a pair of size 36 jeans. 36. That's six inches off my waist in three months. I haven't worn 36 jeans in... well, probably 10 years. Felt awesome. And then as soon as that high hit, I found myself weeping because my W would normally have been the first person I would call/text to share the news but alas she doesn't give a crap so I didn't.

But hey... she might not care but I do, and her lack of caring doesn't change the results.

[Valeska19]

WHG - Congrats on lowering your pant's size! That is fantastic! I would recommend going to buy a slick new outfit to celebrate.

The wheeping makes sense and it's normal. It does get easier the more you detach. Not that the feeling of wanting to reach out to w to celebrate completely goes away, but the more you build stronger relationships with friends and family, the less you even want to reach out to her.

It just all happens with time.

[Ajay]

Seems par for the course. I have gone down from 34" to 32" and had to buy new jeans as I couldn't keep the 34" up. Weight now just over 11 stone from about 13. Eating properly now, something that was difficult when W was here as she kept buying junk food and I couldn't resist the temptation and hate waste. She tells me that she likes to eat chocolates and drink wine for her staple diet, something she tried to do here. She is now down to a size 6 and 7 stone in weight. Part of that is her wanting attention, she starves herself to make sure everyone knows how she is suffering and that it is my fault. She is fully aware that it pushes my caring buttons so uses it!

[Rick1963]

Well I am 6'3 and have been 38 for a while. Now they. AlmOst fall off. WHG have you thought about getting skinny jeans? That would mess her up right? I was thinking of an earing and maybe a tattoo. saw a guy wearing skinny jeans and ugs. Not sure if I'd like that.

[workinghardguy]

Thanks guys. The weight loss is part of a deliberate effort... about a month before the bomb, W and I had a convo where she said the fact that I don't take care of myself really bothered her and that she was afraid I would die on her before I'm 50. When I saw how seriously afraid of that she was I made a vow to really do something about it. So Aug 7 I started really working on it.

It's just nice to see the results. You can always wonder whether the scales are really telling you the truth but clothing sizes at least give that some confirmation

[workinghardguy]

So.. if/when W and I split up, does she get half of our accumulated Coke Reward points? I mean... we've got a sizable collection there. Just something that struck me as funny as I'm catching up on stuff around the house

When it comes time I think I'll keep the points to myself