Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[workinghardguy]

Just a quick update before getting into Turkey Day mode...

Proud of myself for yesterday's DBing... may have been my best day yet. W isn't happy about it, but her discomfort is her problem. Resisted asking her about being blocked from her FB updates. That was accomplishment #1.

Then made plans with a new group I haven't been with before to meet for drinks last night. W had to work until later so I texted her to say I was going out when she got home. She got home and I left. She was very grumpy about it. Didn't tell her where I was going or what I was doing. Didn't get home until 1am (though paying for that now!).

Before I left my S tells my W that we're going to my MIL's house today. W says she isn't sure because she hasn't talked to her mom about it yet and needs to call her. I tell my W that it's already taken care of. I talked to MIL, made arrangements, and took care of it. That's a huge 180... I've always left family interactions entirely up to my W.

On the way to meet folks W texts me about Black Friday shopping. We have always gone shopping, not together per se, but cooperatively. She hits one store while I hit the other. I draft the plan (and it's always been a PLAN, complete with maps and spreadsheets :)) with her input. Since she's not really talking to me right now and makes it clear that she doesn't like me talking to her I made a plan that excluded her. I don't really want to rely on her right now anyway.

So after a few texts I called her because texting was getting old. I simply told her that I made a plan that didn't include her because she made it clear she wants to do her own thing. So go do your own thing and I will do mine. I don't really care. Frankly it's less stressful for me to not rely on her since she's so flighty right now.

She was grumpy about that... hell she's grumpy about everything right now, so whatever.

Then hung out with some new friends all night and had a great time. Had some drinks but stayed sober. A lady there was hitting on me pretty hard all night and at one point asked me to take her home. Glad I stayed sober Politely turned her down since that's not going to help my life right now and I'm not THAT guy. But it was certainly a nice ego boost.

Now I just have to figure out how to make it through the MIL's house, my mom's house, and Black Friday shopping on five hours of sleep. Going to be a looong, but good, day!

[imthemom]

just wanted to let you know that I think you are handling things great..
you are my inspiration...:)

[2thepoint]

Rock on, WHG! Rock on!

[stillhopin]

Nice job whg, I can imagine how hard some of that can be.

[workinghardguy]

So a good day so far I guess. A little melancholy at times but my S is so good at picking up my spirits without even meaning to. Had a slow start to the day, grabbed a mid-morning nap (needed it!) and then S and I went for a walk. Headed over to MIL's a little after lunchtime, we were the first ones there. Hung out with MIL and FIL and watched the Packers. S played and was adorable. I made a point to be much more engaged and interested in them than ever in the past. This is more about me just being more other-centric than it is about me trying to score any type of points.

Eventually rest of the family showed up. Worked to be engaged with them too. That's tougher as I share such little in common with my W's sisters and borthers in law. But I did far better than in the past and I think it was noticed. I also made sure to help get food out and picked up. One SIL asked me if I had lost weight so that was nice that she noticed.

Then swung home to drop of food for my W who wouldn't be home for a while yet and headed to my mom's. Hung out there for a while then headed to Wal-Mart for Black Friday. I'm actually in line right now at WM.

W interactions were limited for the most part. S woke up right after she left so he wanted to call her and say Happy Thanksgiving. So we did but she had nothing for me. But then tonight at my mom's she calls me on her way home from work. Apparently she had texted me but since MIL lives in the middle of nowhere I never got it, she thought I ignored it. So we talked... quite a while about the day, tonight's plan and whatnot. At least she was back to being civil and nice, at least over the phone.

[jbnati]

WHG,
Very, very nice job DB'ing yesterday!

I'm very glad you had a decent day today.

Keep it up, man!

[workinghardguy]

Just got back from Black Friday shopping. W and I used to be a kick-butt Black Friday team. Missed her tonight, both because I missed her and because tactically it's a lot easier to BF shop with two people! It's very hard to defend your XBox in your cart whilst also doing hand to hand combat for the last copy of COW: Black Ops

But what I really wanted to post is that I feel bad for my W tonight. Here it is Thanksgiving... and she came home to an empty house. Ended up eating the food her mom sent home with me all by herself in an empty house. Eventually she ended up over a at a friend's house where she is drinking and will pass out on the couch.

As I thought that narrative through in my head it just seemed so profoundly sad and empty. She would tell you it's not. That she is with friends and friends mean everything. She would say that she spent the day at work caring for veterans, and somebody had to do it. And yes, she's right... to a degree.

But if things were different... if she hadn't made it so clear she wants nothing to do with me, we would've been home here for her. Yes, S and I left MIL's and went to my mom's for Thanksgiving, but my mom could've come here too. My mom would've stayed here to watch S while I or we went Black Friday shopping.

Instead my W's choices have lead her, on the most family of holidays, to someone else's house, drunk, and asleep. It just sounds so very sad and empty, and I feel for her. I will not fix it or make it better, but that doesn't mean I don't feel compassion for the ramifications of her decisions.

BTW... as an aside, I know about the friend's house because she texted me to tell me she was there, she had been drinking, and might fall asleep there. I don't know why she texted me, she doesn't do that usually. But she did, so there's that and whatever it means.

[workinghardguy]

I just don't get her... but I guess we're past the cold and distant thing again. She actually came home last night. And this morning she came downstairs while I was getting coffee and figuring out what I got last night. I ignore her and she starts up an hour's conversation on what my night was like last night. Then she took off to a friend's new restaurant opening. S is with grandma today, but she'll be home later with him so I can GAL.

She's fun... really, she's just so all over the map. But in the past I would've felt hopeful about our interaction this morning, especially since it's been so harsh lately. But I don't have hope... just grateful it's not harsh in the house right now.

Frankly... a small but growing part of me wishes this was "her weekend" and I was free to do whatever today and didn't have to see her or get my chain jerked even a little. Then I feel bad about having that part of me... then I feel righteous for having it... then I just get confused All part of the process I'm guessing.

Man do I need an IC appointment, but not for another two weeks. Bleh.

[oldtimer]

For your own sake and for any chance of reconciliation, continue to give her way more space than she wants. This is the only way either of you will ever have a chance to figure out what you want.

[workinghardguy]

I think I do... I sure try. She just left for another night out. She'll be home 4 or 5 probably. No attitude from me, no comments, just told her to have fun. And I really don't care at this point. She can do what she wants to do.

It is hard at times to see what she is missing, but that's her choice. S had my mom call me this morning because he was missing me, not us, not my w, me. W spent the day hanging out with friends at their new sub shop they opened, drinking beers while S and I had a family day, took in a holiday parade, and went to the opening of the huge holiday light display that we had been volunteers in putting together.

But not a word from me to her about it. Go live your life W, I'm going to live mine.