empowerment over, just had H pack his bags

[canadianMrs.]

I am pro marriage, but at the cost of your own self worth, I question that? This is what I have come to learn. I don't have any ill feelings to anyone on this board, because I realize its hard to get the real me and the real situation to come across in typing. I've also come to realize I might have white washed some the situation, but probably from own denial. Through DB coaching and counselling, I have realized that I was not in a marriage/partnership, I was in a dictatorship. Yes, we moved for his work, but those were his choices, not ones me made as a couple/family. He did not have to take transfers, he asked for them (and they were not promotions) I did very well the 1st time making a new life/friends, and then he uprooted us again. This time I really felt abandoned. The 1st relocation his work was a way of life, his co-workers a second family. The 2nd time he made it hard for me to have any time for myself, we didn't do things as a couple and he kept his life outside the home to himself. Then my dad died, which didn't help. I admit I went along with things, because I loved him, but I also learned quickly that it didn't really matter what my opinion was...and as time went on and I kept giving and getting little back in return...(and yes, after a year with 2 counsellors, I do know the part I played...I still have a H though who will not really look at his)I have said before I almost was a WAS too. However, I did stay and tried to fight for my marriage, only to be hurt again and again.


My h has been labelled by DB coaches (who have talked to him) & counsellors as very self centered. Yes, he has tried to step up/be nicer, but still he is hot and cold as to what he wants. One days its me/kids, some days we wants to be single/date/no responsibilites. When he's upset, its always about what he's going through, never for anyone else in this mess. And, the hot and cold has taken its toll. I fall for the nice guy, only to be hurt by the cold guy the next day. (A couple of weeks ago he was all about us trying counselling again. I agreed, but so far its like he forgot he suggested it; and I admit I was touched by the inital request)

Yes, I did move, but not one month after. It was 6. He left first.
I felt when I moved, it was the only thing I could do to find the old me. I had become a shell of my former self. I use to happy/laid back, but I also had a huge circle of great friends and family back home who loved, supported, and wanted to spend time with me! I needed that back, to be the person my children deserved. So yes, I still believe in marriage, but I believe in being my authentic self and mother first. While I would have prefered my children to grow up in a house with 2 parents, I will not let them live anymore in the enviroment they did a year ago.
One thing I have learned in my last year and from this board is what works for one person may not for another. We need to give support, but be open minded. Too bad all our marriages couldn't be fixed with the same answer, although this board would have a lot less posts!