Well my h is losing his job... he called yesterday and we spoke for about 90 seconds.. (he got another call from a worried employee..) he was suppose to call back but I missed his call.
I feel bad for him, and honestly I am worried about his financial obligations to me, and I think, this is just stupid to be supporting two households.
We have been able to survive him losing his job before, but he doesnt seem to even think about "us" in this current situation. I dont think he is even thinking that way.
Really when I think about it, he originally said he hated his job, he resented me for things in the past and he was miserable.. then he decided he needed to "fix" his job, so he threw himself into work.. for what? now it is closing and the owners werent even going to tell him.. he found out by accident. So the job he put above everything including his family is not what it seemed.. now what? not that he has even discussed anything with me.. what is he going to do?
What am I suppose to do? I am super confused.
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
Well... does this new information change anything? If he is going to rethink his decisions then perhaps it does. But otherwise I don't know that it matters much, at least to you.
Financially yes, of course it does. And you're going to have to make plans for him having less income. But that isn't all that different than if you were together. Yes, the two household expense thing is stupid, but you also can't control that.
As far as the job thing and decisions in the past... well, they're in the past. Woulda, coulda, shoulda... you can dwell on them and let them anger you but it's not going to help. It won't help you nor will it help the two of you. That anger and resentment will show.
I expect he will be very raw for a while. We men tend to associate ourselves very much with our jobs. Losing our job is quite a blow. But he dissociated himself from you. I think it's good you missed his call. He needs to deal with this with his big-boy pants on and alone. You are going to be busy enough dealing with the fallout from it.
If he reaches out it's up to you to listen or not... but I wouldn't be too available. Let him miss you. Let him miss someone to listen to him and be supportive of him.
And as far as what is he going to do... what are YOU going to do? That should really be your only concern. What are YOU going to do to deal with the effects you will face and to live your life.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
I am going to keep moving forward.. I have actually been offered a new job, that may just solve my finacial problems...it almost seems to good to be true, however I think its just what I need.
My girls and I will continue to find happiness within each other.. I would be lying to say I am not worried about H, but that is just something I cant turn off. In this economy its very hard for me to see anyone unemployed...but it is not my problem directly anymore...
Working hard... the advice you gave if he does reach out, is spot on, but I only hope I am strong enough to be a little "unavailable"...I must stay detached... I think your right, he needs to feel as though I am not right there to pick up the pieces.. that would be a huge 180 for me...I can hear the little voice inside my head telling me...you can do it.. this is his problem and how he decides to handle it is on him..
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
I know how it is... I keep having to train myself not to immediately respond to a text message from W. It's just such a habit. I wish there was a "send delay" app you could apply to certain people so your phone would ask you if you really want to answer that call or send that message!
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
So I feel as though my H is just lying to me.. here is why.. he is renting a room from an employee, (a women).. told me it was because her and her h were always gone and it would be like he had the whole house to himself.
Well news flash.. her h doesnt live there, and they are now divorced... this is so stupid.
I know this is stuff i should just be ignoring bu when my daughter goes there once a week, i think it is my business to know if there is a relationship or not. Am I wrong?
seriously I need some input here, do i ask the question?
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving..I put a big smile on my face and forced myself to not think of what was missing, but focus on what wasnt.
I woke up early to start the cooking, and of coarse I thought, whats the big deal if I text h and wish him a nice day... I fought the urge..a couple hours later, I thought, really it would be a nice gesture to say something..again I didnt.
I sat my phone down while I was working on the veggies and when I came back to it, H had sent me a message...wishing me and the girls a happy thanksgiving.. it was nice to know he thought of us.
I will continue the no contact. I cant set myself up for anymore hurt. In the last 4 months, i realize I have initiated 90% of the communication. It hasnt been an intentional thing and it isnt very often, but how on earth can you miss something you know is right there waiting, I have to add some mystery... I have no idea if it will help or hurt, but its different, it is hard as hell to not wonder.. but this is my life now, he is not in it.. he may never be again.
I will someday look back on this time as a learning experience, however right now it feels nothing like that. It feels like a game of chicken..
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
Well, its been 2 weeks since I saw my h, and other than a short text from him on THanksgiving I have heard nothing... I know he has alot on his plate, with his business closing.. but really.. it is so hard to just be a memory..
I wish he felt different, but he doesnt, he doesnt contact his D either unless it is for his once a week short visit. He is in a differnt place, and I cant change that. Maybe its time to just accept.
I dont contact him either, I think that is what I am suppose to be doint, but I know my H pretty well and if I dont contact him he wont contact me. Very sad today.
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
I know my H pretty well and if I dont contact him he wont contact me.
I have one of these too. I think they see it as a kindness.
Hopefully he will get to a place where he contacts D more. I have 2 D's and the eldest may text some with H, the youngest, much less. It's gotten to the point where they don't see him much at all either. That's their choice. Hard to watch. I'm hopeful that yours will make more of an effort after he gets some business taken care of.
