So as I have read and re-read part s of DR, as well as this board, I am coming to some helpful conclusions - so thank you moderators and posters.
I am trying to spend less time inside of my wife's head - what she's thinking, what she's doing, what she's feeling - and so on. Fact of that matter is, I will never know until she tells me (IF she tells me), and I am certainly in no place to ask.
It's helpful to read that there are others in "last resort" mode that are struggling to not contact the S. I never call, but I text via BlackBerry Messenger. Mostly I am answering questions about the baby and pick-up times. I am getting better at not asking "how are you doing" and "do you need anything". It's hard for me to relinquish my protect and provide role. And frankly, some days I am hopeful that she will just reach out and ask how I'm doing - but I would figure that is quite some time away.
I am gradually giving in to the notion of being a friend to her for a lot of reasons. It's difficult, because I find myself wanting to burst out of my skin and hug her and tell her my feelings - but I know that is the wrong move right now. At the moment, I am doing all I can to give her space and time, while reflecting on some of the things I did or did not do that brought us to this place. Previously, I was pinning much of it on her depression and/or potential hormonal problems. These things may be REAL, but it is still incumbent upon me to do my work and control and change what I can - me. I just need the strength to keep my distance, pull back, and hope that one day she takes even a half step towards me.
She has said things that make things sound so final, "it's over", "I have no feelings for you or this marriage", and so on - and those words play over and over again in my head like failure's soundtrack. Still, I my heart tells me to not give up. MWD books and this board have helped me calm down and focus a bit - even though I have my bad days.
I will keep reading the books, I will keep reading posts, I will keep praying, and I will keep my hope from being extinguished no matter how dark it becomes.
Thanks everyone - please keep the goodwill and encouragement coming.
