"His porn viewing has nothing to do with right or wrong. He knew before going in that it would not be OK with me. If I want my M, will I compromise on porn? I don't know.
Should he have to compromise on his porn viewing, if he cares about our M?"
Now you are thinking C. He did know going in that viewing porn was a boundary for you. So he owns that boundary crossing. So how do the two of you work towards getting to a point were he stops crossing that boundary? Or if it works for you C, that the boundary is adjusted slightly? That one is a bit more tricky.
As for the "addiction".....is it really an addiction? Is your husband spending hours on the net viewing porn...etc? Those are big questions in the realm of things. IMHO there is a big difference between 20 minutes a week watching and a compulsion to watch continuously. Can watching 20 minutes a week turn into something more (as exampled on here)? Yes. At the same time that is akin to saying some one who enjoys a glass of wine with dinner is going to become an alcoholic (if we stereotype everyone who watches porn together). It is obvious that you have been hurt by this in the past (as have other ladies on here and for that I apologize). I think a key is remembering that your husband is not your ex-husband. They are different people. Is it very wise to learn from the past...yes it is. At the same time though you can't carry the past into the moment. That really isn't healthy for you.
So how do you get to a proper place that works for C? I like the porn blocking program....but that is a band-aid and not a solution. Sexual addiction is about the compulsion to obtain sexually gratification. Until that compulsion is controlled by the person, it will still exist. My suggestion would be is for you to install (so you know the passwords and he doesn't...that way he can't mess with the computer histories) a web monitoring program. That way you have access to what he is doing, but at the same time he has to work on controlling his compulsion to watch porn.
