I clearly remember the early days after H left where he constantly tried to shove ow down the kid's throats. They were having none of it. H met with resistance every time.
For whatever reason, selfishness, the fog, just plain insane, the MLCer thinks that everyone should accept and be happy for them that they have this new wonderful person in their life. No matter that they threw their spouse and children away to be with this person. It's just further evidence of how deeply disturbed the MLCer is.
Two out of our 4 children have met the ow. S27 has not by choice, but through work functions. D13 went on vacation with her Dad and ow. It didn't go well.
H has given up trying to 'blend' ow into his children's lives. He knows not to even try anymore. Part of it is because the kid's don't want her in their lives and part of it I believe is because ow has lost some of her shininess.
Yes, after 2 years they are still together but the cracks are showing here and there. Definite evidence that H is starting to miss our traditions as a family during this time of year.
I've been able to step back and see some things as they are through detachment. I do still spin a bit now and then, but it is no where near as bad or as long as it was in the early days. I now participate fully in the holidays again as in the early days I just went through the motions. I refuse to cheat myself out of them just because H went off the deep end.
Yes, the responsibility for how the holidays come off is all on me now. You know what? I am proud that I'm able to pull them off myself. The memories I'm adding to my children's minds and hearts and my own have taken on an even deeper meaning. They're different now, but just as precious.
Hang in there IB, I promise it does get better. The holes do fill in.
