Thought the roller coaster had bottomed out

[workinghardguy]

The issue I have created is feeling that my W is all I need. She has been the centre of my universe for the last 8 years

Welcome to the club... we should get T-shirts made up

but gave it up because I had an expensive mortgage to support as well as a W who thought that money grew on trees

Wow... resentful much? If you're wondering part of how you got here read your sentence... And I get it, I did the same thing. My W liked to spend and it made her happy. I liked her happy so I let her spend. I sequestered my own goals and subordinated them so she could go to nursing school, spend, have a bigger house, have a nicer car. You know what that got me? Pissed off. And that anger and rage has to come out, so over the years it has come out at the kids, particularly the oldest SS since he's my W's baby. It also came out at my W through other avenues.

I am wondering if I should me more communicative with her and tell her that she is still wanted and needed. It seems that she needs to see I am here for her if she is to believe she can come home.

Have you told her this already? Because if you have then she knows it. I told my W once that I don't want to be divorced, that I don't believe in it, and that if I had my choice we would work on this. One time I told her this.. one time and it was months ago. Guess what she said last week during an R talk, "I know you don't want this divorce and don't believe it's the right thing." She knows you're there, she knows she can come home, she knows all of it... she doesn't care and doesn't want it. Quit pushing it on her. Stop making yourself feel better by trying to make her feel better and fixing her.

It seems that after the "you don't need me anymore so I will stay away" on Nov 1st, she has done exactly that. I thought it was just temper talk because she had seen some of my changes, going out, dressing well and having lunch with a female friend.

Yes... because it is what she WANTS to do. Your W got up all this gumption to leave your marriage. Do you honestly think one sentence from you could keep her away if she really, really wanted to come back? Right now wild horses can't keep her from running away... and if she really wanted to return the same would apply.

And if only having lunch with a female friend would make the WAW turnaround instantly! Way more patience is needed here... stopping touching the hot stove and let it be. You're killing yourself with kindness... and btw, it's kindness she doesn't want and doesn't appreciate. So stop wasting it on her.