2TP - WHY? Why are you going places with your W? How is that giving her space? Why do you allow yourself to be subjected to the type of behavior you describe? You need to start bowing out of events with your W. Not all, but some or most. You cannot create mystery when you are spending so much time with your W. See what I'm saying?
RB89 - I have felt throughout this that if we do things together then we will stay connected, but I have to admit the fact that we do alot together and it has not seemed to bring us closer to reconciling. I admit my fear is that if I bow out as you say then it will be easy for her to disappear from my life. Maybe I'm wrong in this. Maybe I do need to get out of her life as much as possible so she can deal with her crisis and then know for sure how our marriage can fit into all of this. She has said as much so maybe I am actually making it too easy on her. Today while at her sisters for T-dinner I was wondering if a separation to different residences mught be the best. Realistically I cannot afford two residences so if she moved out I would have a very tough time supporting our home and kids alone. So, economics plays a part in this. Most people who write on my thread see the fact that we are still living together to be a blessing. I guess it is and I think you are right that I need to stop making it so easy for her.
2TP - Again, the problem here is you are too transparent. There is no mystery and because you allow her to see what you are doing with your GAL activities, she can dismiss you and continue on with her own selfish behavior all the while criticizing you.
RB89 - it is true that I am transparent. I have always been 100% open with her and I really never was the type that could act one way while feeling another way. I really think I do need to take your advise about moving away from her through this, i.e. giving her space. Tonight I was going to take a ride for a while and I told her I was going out. The look on her face was total suspicion. Again, I never have been a cheater and never will so the look of mistrust is so ridiculous. I know, I need to really step away from her, go dark as much as possible. Mistrust and double standards are her way, not mine, and I am beginning to realize I need to really bow out from her life for now.
2TP - You have to come to grips the fact that your W's "solitary path of self enjoyment" is going to continue for quite some time. There is no silver bullet that is going to snap your W out of her fog. Only time and lots of it.
RB89 - you know, the silver bullet is just what I have been hoping for all along. I keep thinking that she just needs to wakeup and see that we can have a better marriage by applying what we both have learned about oursleves and each other through this trial. It's already gone on for eight months since the bomb dropped and I never imagined that it would be this long. I guess I am using the wrong scale to measure how these things work.
2TP - And so you need to ask yourself, are you up for the ride? Can you hang on for the long haul?
RB89 - You know I wonder about how long I can live like this being so lonely for her, how I can rewrite my inner life so that I think in terms of my life plan in terms of me alone and not married to her. You know with her EA, the disregard for me as her H, the constant pain, my sadness over what our family will be if we divorce, I wonder how long I will go like this.
On the other hand I love her still, and do see that she really is going through something big and critical in her life. Maybe this is the test of unconditional love and I have to see if I'm strong enough to do this. I do want our marriage to be better than it was before.
I thought I knew myself pretty well and have proven myself to be very strong in so many other challenges in my life. This, however, is the hardest thing I have ever been through.
You're advise and your giving of yourself like this is such a credit to you as person. I hope I can be as strong as you appear to be in this. It's funny that I reach out to people like you on this blog and feel I can give very useful heartfelt advise, but then at the same time need advise from people like you to keep staying focused and strong.
