Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

Bad Morning, Good Evening!

H called to let me know he was on his way. I thanked him for the heads up.
When he arrived the kids were already asleep. He put the girls in their bed and went to get the baby out of his car.

He came back and said he had been thinking all day and he didn't want me to be uncomfortable and maybe it was better if the baby also spent the night with me. I was shocked but pleased. He was calm and gentle when speaking - I saw a glimpse of my old H...

I thanked him. Instead of leaving immediately, he stayed a bit and told me about the evening at my MIL... His siblings were there with their families (no OW - I have no idea where she spent the day...)

H told me that D2 had a very rough day and he was surprised by her antics and acting out (hmmm....Every time I have told him how much she is struggling, he has told me that he doesn't believe so because she never acts out with him). He described her actions - exactly what she does at home. He said at some point he felt desperate and didn't know how to calm her.

I listened, validated and even said - I know exactly how you felt. I sometimes feel so helpless. I am glad to see that it wasn't just me being a bad mom." It was a nice moment. We were co-parenting and sharing our concerns for our children. That is the H and father I know...

I told him I have been discussing this issue with my therapist and that she recommended that we took some co-parenting classes or therapy. H said yes! And right away! I am soooo thrilled!!! So I will immediately look for something and set it up.

This whole separation has been very hard on me. But I am an adult and will process it and survive it. Yet our kids -they are innocent victims, and sooo young. And one of the hardest things for me has been to see how detached my H has been with them. He really has abandoned them emotionally. So to finally see some concern and caring from him tonight was a huge victory in my book. Regardless of what happens with us, I want my children to have a father. And I know my H can be a great one - cause he used to be a great dad!

Anyways, then H proceeded to tell me about the family - his siblings and spouses. There are some sad issues within the family - one of his sisters and his brother are also having very serious M issues. So H was telling me about everyone's behavior tonight. The thing is - I didn't even ask once! But I know why he did it. This has been my family as well for 19 years. OW has not met any of them, and no matter how much H has told her, she has no clue who they are or their history... I have that with H, so he wanted to share that with me, because she simply would not get it...

I again listened, listened, validated and validated.

He finally said he had to go. Gave me a warm hug and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. I warmly said Thank you.

Making amends with my H tonight and having my kids with me now is the best gift for me this Thanksgiving. And I know God made it happen. Yesterday, when all this back and forth re. visitation and OW was going on, I asked God to take this from me. I simply didn't know how to handle and that I was putting it in his hands. God listened and he made my H have a moment of lucidity in such a special day. And for that, I am grateful.